RWBY's Nostalgia Commentary Collection
by Christopher Spielberg
Summary: Inspired and based on Nostalgia Critic's reviews on good/bad movies, RWBY reviews and criticizes on some good/bad movies (Son of the Mask, Foodfight, etc), with situations dealt during their reviews (despite Volume 3-present). I DO NOT own any characters, rants or anything, only my personal story idea. Burning Rose/Monochrome. Takes place at Beacon Academy. Rated M for language.
1. Son of the Mask (Pt 1)

**A/N: Just to let you all know, this fanfic is inspired by and based on the Nostalgia Critic's reviews on horrible and criticized movies, and I DO NOT own any characters from RWBY, content and sources, or anything, just my imagination idea to make it a good story.**

 **In this first non-canon and humorous story of the fanfic series (despite RWBY Volume 4 and 5), which will have characters from RWBY, Team RWBY reviews and comments on the critically-panned and awful movie Son of the Mask, and focuses on them getting help from Raven in order to try getting rid of the horrible DVD movie, which the DVD is unknowingly owned by Salem and Cinder, unbeknowst to RWBY. I was originally gonna do the whole prologue, but I had to skip writing most of the prologue for writing more chapters before and on Halloween, so anyway it was about Salem and Cinder was gonna show the awful Son of the Mask to Neo, but when she called Arthur Watts, she's enraged when he said he got rid of it due to the movie being disturbing for Neo, who had put it some place where _no one_ can find it.**

 **In honour of the release of RWBY: Volume 5. Rated T-M for bad words. Enjoy!**

 **VALE**

One day, when Team RWBY was strolling around the town and chatting, until they had seen a small sand pit nearby, so they all decide to go over to the sandpit. In a couple moments, they notice a sunlight on the sandbox shaped as a X through the tree and leaves shade, which Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss help dig up the sandpit, finding a small suitcase. The four team members then get out of the small sandpit, and open the small suitcase, to reveal the DVD case of Son of the Mask.

"Well, if it's in a special suitcase buried in the sandpit and it's free, it must be worth a watch and review. Might as well spend a little more time in town before we go back to Beacon Academy and watch this movie.", plans Ruby as the other three agree.

 **RWBY's Commentary on Son of the Mask (Part 1)**

As Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss sit on their commentary chairs in their dorm room, Ruby starts off the review to the readers, "Hello, I'm Ruby..."

"I'm Yang..."

"I'm Blake..."

"And I'm Weiss."

Ruby continues, "We all remember the mid-90's comedy The Mask. One of the first films to grow in the popularity of computer effects with a more cartoony nature as opposed to threatening. It was a decent flick, with the Mask character for the kids and Jim Carrey's straight man routine for the adults. And on top of that, it made a LOT of money. So much so that a sequel, The Mask 2, had been in the works for eons. It was mentioned in interviews, online forums, there was even an Nintendo Power contest for it. Yeah, didn't that turn out to be a great prize. When years later for a contest you forgot you entered to get dragged to a set that has no Jim Carrey, no Cameron Diaz, even the dog we think was sadly dead at this point!"

"But, hey! At least we have Randy from Scream!", Yang looks on the bright side to her little sis and to the readers, a cricket heard afterwards in a result of silence.

Blake and Weiss both asks their teammate, "Yang? Do you mean Jamie?"

"Here's your refund. Cha-ching.", the blonde team member jokes to the readers, pulling and holding out money, before putting it back in her pocket.

 **Son of the Mask**

Blake then continued the review, "Where The Mask had a leaning towards kids and adults, Son of the Mask is most definitely a kids film. Even the advertisements show pretty much nothing but the baby and dog scenes. But it's not only a half-assed sequel without half the asses of the original cast, it's a downright strange, freaky little drive into someone's poisoned outlook as to what's family entertainment is. It's a miserable experience that we're sure you don't want to see all through."

"And let's start the movie. Warning: This film contains ridiculous and non-sensual scenes that made the movie extremely panned. Portions of scenes that's described will be reacted and reviewed by us. Critics, do not watch the movie unless at your own risk, you will hate it.", Weiss commences, making a 1000 Ways to Die intro reference.

The opening scene starts off as Ruby says, "So we start in Edge City, where the first film left off. We enter a museum that literally has the only last cast member from the last movie, Ben Stein. And seriously, was it even worth getting him? It's like making Ghostbusters 3, and the only cast member you bring in is the lamp from scene 22. Though, to be fair, the lamp would give a much more stunning performance than Stein.", which shows a scene with Stein explaining the god of mischief, Loki, in the museum during this.

"So just as he's talking about Loki, what a coinkydink! Loki himself appears, played by Alan Cumming.", Yang told the fact.

Blake also adds, "Whose almost as silly-looking as The Avengers' Loki, but not quite.", before another part of the opening scene shows Loki realizing the mask in the museum that's kept is a fake one, Stein deadpanningly tells him it's a good fake before Loki throws the mask and hits it on his head, reacting to the pain in deadpan.

"And you're about to see the number one problem with this film.", says Weiss, as the next part of the scene shows Loki using his powers to make Ben Stein's character's face to pop out from his head, deadpanningly reacting to this as Loki then puts his popped out face in the museum display where the mask is put.

Ruby sighs, "Yes, this is one of many "shit your pants" disturbing images. Granted, anything dismembering Ben Stein is usually a plus, but we rather be able to watch it as opposed to run out of the theater in our urine-soaked jeans."

"So the real Mask is in the river just outside of Fringe City...which is so similar to Edge City, you'll be asking yourself, "Why the fuck didn't they just keep it in Edge City?", and is picked up by a different dog other than the first film. Yet looks so identical to him so that the kids can see the trailer and say, "Oh, look! Even the Jack Russell Terrier wanted more money than they were willing to shell out!" But thankfully, they found other performers who were willing to take less. Like Jamie Kennedy, who I swear has set his acting to "permanently nasally whine".", Yang comments, as parts of some scenes in the first part of the movie shows examples of Jamie Kennedy's whining quotes in the film.

Blake comments, "Even when he's talking normal, it sounds like he's whining.", as more scenes show Jamie's whining quotes in the film as well.

"On top of that, he falls into that common category of badly written characters of the overreacting man-child who never listens, never cares, and yet somehow gets an over-understanding, bland, underwritten hot chick. Why, just look at what goes through his mind when somebody says "baby".", explained Weiss.

After a scene which shows Jamie's character's imagination of his wife in the movie given birth to one, then two, three, four, dozens of babies, confirming either a boy or a girl, the overcrowding babies closing up to show them crying and having vampire teeth, Ruby realizes something in the scene.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Stop right there! There's the poster for your movie! That'll get the kids coming in.", Ruby said about the babies with the vampire teeth. "Imagine, girls, come see Son of the Mask. A FAMILY picture."

Yang shudders, "I don't want to know how the kids will react to this.", before we see a scene in the movie where Jamie's character Tim is talking to his wife about not having a baby now.

"So while Jamie doesn't want to spend all that time and attention on a kid, like he CLEARLY fucking does with his dog! Seriously, even Gromit doesn't have as much dog related shit in his room!", Blake and Weiss then says, "We get our first look at- What the HELL?", as a scene during this with Jamie's character Tim and his dog, the latter who got the mask, and we zoom into the dog's eye and all of a sudden...

The god Odin appears in the scene, yelling " **LOOOOOOOOOKKKIIIIIIII!** ", which scares Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss when watching this part.

"Rip Yosemite Sam Winkle, we presume! Actually, that's Bob Hoskins as Odin. Probably thankful for his retirement whenever he pops this movie in.", mentioned Ruby.

After a scene with Odin telling Loki about his task to find the mask, Yang also says, "So Jamie's character Tim works at an animation studio, which happens to be hosting a Halloween party (which explains why this chapter is released near Halloween soon). Seeing how his costume got ruined, he grabs the Mask his dog found and I'll give you one sanity tormenting guess what happens.", which then shows a scene of Tim going to the Halloween party, putting on the Mask before transforming during the way there, which as a matter of fact, somehow looks much different from the first film's Mask.

"Oh my god! It's like they made DNA syrup out of the Jolly Green Giant and Conan O'Brien!", references Blake, horrified by this scene.

Weiss included after a part of the scene when Tim's Mask form upbeats the party and sings a remix of Can't Take My Eyes Off You, "So he torturously lightens up the party.", the scene showing the 1st part of the remix in a pop-like tune, the second coming to a disco tune.

"So, it'd be one thing if he stuck his STD ridden dick in just one musical style, but this asshole decides to ruin not two, not three, not four, but FIVE different musical styles! And each one is worse than the last!", Ruby and Yang both said about the musical sequence, criticizing the part when Tim's Mask form first did pop, then disco, then country, then hip-hop rap, and lastly a soul/pop tune during the Can't Take My Eyes Off You sequence, the next scene showing the third and fourth tunes, continuing the fourth tune from there.

Weiss asks, "Okay, would you just tell everybody to move five steps back away from the wide-angle lens?", before we see the team RWBY and Weiss angrily says about that part of the musical remix, "Cause you can't really enjoy the choreography **WHEN YOUR FACE IS THIS CLOSE TO THE CAMERA!** ", getting up and her face coming close to the screen in anger towards that part.

"Oh yeah! Can you feel the dancers behind us?! Are they great!?", supports Blake as gets up and her face comes close to the screen with Weiss's too, continuing the scene with Tim's fourth tune of the remix.

Ruby groans, "God, it's like an alien whore's trying to french me.", disgusted by the scene.

"At least the first Mask knew Jim Carrey's face was scary enough from a distance. It didn't need to facehump the camera every chance it got!", said Yang, before showing the next scene of the remix's climax in the fifth tune with Tim's Mask form.

Blake and Weiss both argue about this part, "My god! It's still going! We swear, this thing goes on for what feels like a fucking eternity! It just keeps getting worse and worse!", the scene continuing with Tim singing, the honking and swaying cars in the parking lot and the dancing.

The team RWBY, both reacting to this scene, had an urge to use their phone but put it away. Seconds later, they try to use it, they put it away again. Unable to resist the urge to call someone for help while the girls were watching the horrible movie, they had the urge to call, which is surprisingly to The Achieve Men.

"Hello, this is the Achieve Men?"

"SAVE THIS MOVIE!", Team RWBY begged, before showing Tim finishing the last part of the remix with an applause by the Halloween guests.

Ruby continues, "So Tim's Mask form comes home, gets in bed with his wife, and makes..."

"...love?", Blake and Weiss ask, embracing each other, since they're girlfriends.

Ruby sighs and Yang facepalms, the latter saying, "Not directly, but something like that, following a terrible scene afterwards, but we can't explain about it.", resuming the review, "And it turns out the next day, the boss of the studio, played by Steven Wright. Yeah, we can't wait to see the excitement he brings on the role, says he wants to make a cartoon series based on the character."

"Yeah, we're talking about a cartoon series that has Rob Paulsen as most of the characters and will focus on slapstick humor that should be funny, but will mostly come off as just awkward.", Blake thought out loud.

Weiss guesses, "Let me guess. The Mask Animated Series."

"Uh...a short-lived cartoon series.", Ruby, Yang and Blake respond.

The heiress then says, "But his wife has some big news too.", showing a scene where Tim's wife is confirmed to be pregnant.

"And if you think Bella's pregnancy was freaky, take a look at this shit.", complains Ruby, the next scene showing the baby in the ultrasound monitor, fetal position, before suddenly dancing to Le Freak (Freak Out), with a bling necklace, before dancing with a sombrero and maracas to Cuban Pete (from the first film), before resuming to fetal position when the wife sees.

Yang next says, "And half her insides would be powder, but let's not ruin this potentially unfunny joke.", the next scene again showing the baby being born, confirming to be a boy.

"But the big day comes and Jamie says hi to his happy little accident.", Blake and Weiss said, the scene showing Tim saying hi to the baby, but it cries, before we zoom in it's mouth...

...before we zoom out of Odin's eye, yelling again " **LOOOOOOOOOKKKIIIIIIII!** ", once again startling the four team RWBY members.

"Does Odin just live in remarkably awkward segues?", questions Ruby and Yang, as we see a short scene of Austin Powers' transition, before it cuts to Odin yelling " **LOOOOOOOKKIIII!** ", scaring the four girls for a third time.

Blake continues, "So Odin possesses a body of another person and tells Loki that a child has been born.", which we see a scene of the person possessed by Odin, telling Loki "find the baby, find the mask".

In an extended fanfic scene, Weiss then says the next part, "And in the charming world of show-no-passage-of-time land, the baby has now grown older, and has even picked up a few tricks from...we don't know, the Mask's wooden DNA?"

"I mean if this is like I get a woman pregnant while wearing a hat, they're gonna have special hat powers?", exampled Ruby sarcastically.

During the next scene between the original and extended versions of the review, the mother was blowing a balloon for the baby Alvey, but while she does this, the baby puts his thumb into his mouth, blows, and suddenly his head cartoonishly blows like a balloon,

That was when team RWBY watches this part, their eyes widen and the girls scream in fear, " **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...** "

The continued scene shows the baby's balloon head getting bigger when he blows it, causing team RWBY to scream louder, " **...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** ", before somehow when the balloon the mother was blowing lets go and blows around losing the air, the baby blowing his head like a balloon has his head turned back to normal.

After this scene, team RWBY was shocked, before Ruby, Blake and Weiss clear their throats while Yang also drank water as a refreshment from all the screaming, before in the end of the extended review fanfic part, they resume screaming, " **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...** "

* * *

 **SALEM'S CASTLE**

The four girls' screams were so loud, it was even heard in Salem's Castle. Salem notices this, saying, "That's my music. I know what that means. The movie has been found!", going to another part of her castle where Neo was watching videos of MLP, Cinder forced to watch too, who is not impressed by this.

Salem then says, "We need to go somewhere. Let's go."

"Wow, already.", Cinder smiles. "I don't have to watch more videos of that horrible show."

Neo then gives Salem a 'where are we going' look.

"I'm gonna show us an evil worse than Hasbro.", the goddess Salem says, before they go out the castle in search for the movie.

 **To be continued...**


	2. Son of the Mask (Pt 2)

**RWBY's Commentary on Son of the Mask (Part 2)**

The four girls of team RWBY continue screaming since the end of Part 1 of their review after the part with the balloon, " **...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!** ", before finally stopping, calming down.

"Okay...okay...let's try this again...", Ruby decides, the scene showing the baby blowing his head like a balloon, before Ruby snaps his fingers, magically forwarding the scene to the next.

Yang resumes, "We cut to a scene where Loki is trying to find the baby, disguised as a-", before the next scene shows Loki as a scary-looking green bee, flying in the hospital and evilly searching.

The team RWBY's eyes widen and scream again, " **AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-** ", due to the bee, before Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss slapped themselves, stopping their scream again.

"Okay, okay, we're getting through this!", Weiss and Blake calmed. "Disguised as a...a creepy...goddamn, scary-looking concoction of hell! I mean, guys, seriously! This is an appealing image for kids? It's like the Statue of Liberty sneezed out the Honey Nut Cheerios bee!", the two continues, the scene showing Loki's bee form searches throughout the hospital, stinging a nurse and taking her form, printing the birth certificate of the baby he's searching for.

Ruby then says, "So while Jamie reads a book clearly the screenwriter didn't read, we find it's not so easy when babies take care of babies.", the next scene showing Tim drowsily and accidentally uses a lighthouse lamp instead of the baby bottle in order to feed the baby, but as the baby sees the lighthouse lamp that's about to be fed to it, it's eyes bulge at the lamp and it alarmly makes a honking sound cartoonishly, getting Tim out of his drowsy daze.

"Aw, isn't that cute? He also fed it broken glass. A common everyday mistake of your everyday likable hero. Or even better, when the wife has to go out of town for a week for her job, the unbelievable likeable way he takes responsibilty for his child.", asks and explains Yang, showing a scene of the wife leaving for the job and asking Tim to take care of Alvey when she's gone.

In another extended fanfic review scene, Blake then mocks and afterwards says, "'I'm too busy being Zach Braff's unfunny clone.' But to be fair, it's not always easy looking after a demonic version of the E-Trade baby.", before the four girls were a bit surprised in shock as they see the next part of the scene when the baby dances to the Hello, Ma Baby song of Looney Tunes, causing Tim to shriek a bit and fall off his chair, before the baby dances off to the left side of the screen, ending the second extended fanfic review scene.

"Okay, let us tell you in great detail why this scene isn't funny.", tells Weiss. "You see-"

The baby Alvey in the movie after dancing the Hello, Ma Baby, suddenly comes in the screen during the scene of the movie, shaking his face and whoops at the viewers, causing Team RWBY to gasp in a scream for a second. Then his head turns into Woody Woodpecker and laughs iconically closely to the viewers, the girls screams a gasp again. After Alvey jumps in the air and does a ridiculous cartoon face, and when Alvey runs around the sides of the room like the Flash, before waving bye a bit to his father Tim and bursts through the door with a hole shaped of him, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss scream in horror to this scene.

"Okay, seriously? What is with the imagery in this movie?! It's fucking TERRIFYING! We mean, we forget; Is this the sixth or seventh level of Hell? We don't read Dante, but I know this is in there! He couldn't have forgotten something as horrifying as this!", Ruby and Yang complain about the scene's imagery in the movie, and after another scene with the baby saying mother in a deep voice, the four girls were shudderingly disgusted.

Blake and Weiss explained, "Oh, while we're on the subject on scaring the shit out of people, you might be wondering, why is the baby so concerned about scaring his father to where his wide-angle lens can't obnoxiously stretch any further? Well, it's because he wants him thrown into a mental hospital! Why?", the four girls confusingly nod and shrug a bit.

"We don't know, we have no freaking idea! It's explained about as well as why the dog wants to kill the baby! Oh, yeah, did we forget to mention that? The dog gets the Mask, looks like an R. Crumb drawing of cancer, and tries to kill the baby! Now to it's credit, they explain this a little bit by showing how he wants to be the center of attention again, but, yeah, this comes out of nowhere too! No buildup at all! Is the dog earlier looking at the baby here supposed to symbolize that he doesn't like him? Is that what you were trying to convey? How would we guess that? Everything else is shot so weird and over the top, and the only thing being conveyed is the night terrors you're gonna have tonight!", Ruby complains.

Yang adds, "Yeah, for a movie that doesn't know the definition of the word subtle, you don't really explain these two things very well!"

"The dog wants to get rid of the baby. Why? Two second image of a cartoon, that actually looks more realistic than the effects you're throwing at us. Oh, and we're not kidding. The effects when the dog is trying to get rid of the baby and the baby so cleverly outwits him, is some of the worst animation you'll ever see. We mean, worse than Baby Geniuses.", critiques Blake.

Weiss argues to the effects comparison between Baby Geniuses and Son of the Mask, "We know we could take that back, but we're standing by our words; It looks worse than Baby Geniuses!"

"The Monty Python cartoons are more three-dimensional! And Lord knows this could benefit from some british nudity! And once again, the images are creepy. They are so fucking creepy! It looks like every second it's on, the movie's trying to jump out and kill you. Look at the baby's face, it looks like something Gollum threw up and animated like The Polar Express!", said Ruby about the imagery in the movie during the dog and baby scenes.

Yang continues, "Oh, and speaking of which, here's another fun image. Rather than have the eyes just stretch out like normal cartoon eyes do, let's have them pop out of their skulls, leaving two black vacant holes where the most expressive part of the face should be! Hang that picture over your baby's crib tonight! I also imagine, A FAMILY picture.", thinking about the scene with the dog's eyes popped out of it's skulls.

"It's scary! It's really scary! We mean, could this movie throw any more horrendous imagery at us?", Blake and Weiss complain about the horrible imagery of the movie.

However, after another awful scene with Loki disguising as a girl scout selling Thin Chocolate with an ugly face, this causes the four girls to paralyze in shock for a few moments, not actually, but expressively.

"We. Are done. With this movie.", gave up Ruby in shock.

Ruby then takes the Son of the Mask disc out of the DVD player, putting it back in the cover and putting it in a wooden case, which Yang helps lock it, and Blake and Weiss hide it under one of the dorm room's bunk beds.

Hiding in the room's closet, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss peek out a bit for us to see them, and they look down on the floor. horrified to see that the Son of the Mask DVD was sitting there, having escaped from the locked case under the bed like a Ouija board.

The four girls then shook in fear as they stared at the demonic DVD, as the Son of the Mask DVD made hellish things in an evil tongue, and an explosion is shown on the DVD like The Lord of the Rings, which causes the four girls to call for help in a wide scream...

* * *

Later that night after they stopped the Son of the Mask movie halfway through, Ruby and Yang had to call for help with Blake and Weiss watching in support in their dark dorm room, the former two saying, "Yeah, we're sorry, we didn't mean to call, but you're just the only decent good person we can think of to solve this and we- We think that DVD's possessed.", Yang asking, "Please, can you help us, mom?", calling on the phone to the hinted person she just mentioned.

Raven Branwen.

She is at a bar, drinking wine whilst holding the phone, with her Grimm-like mask on the counter table of the bar, and Raven responds during the call drunk, "No, Yang darling, girls. There are a lot of bad movies out there I can assure you. I'm not too much of a priest myself though, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's possessed.", chuckling in a drunk way.

"But, it's called Son of the Mask, and we just don't-", Ruby explains for her sister, back at the dorm room in the darkness.

Back at the bar, Raven gasps as she snaps out of her drunk state, telling the readers, "Son of the Mask.", in realization, before hanging up on the call.

"Hello? Hello!?", alarmingly asks Ruby and Yang back in their dark dorm room, the two as well as Blake and Weiss worryingly thinks of this before two hands reach out and touches Ruby and Yang's shoulders.

The four girls gasp as they turn around in fright, as the person turns out to be Raven, who had teleported through a portal and she spoke through her Grimm-like mask she's wearing, "Is it secret? Is it sacred? Is it safe?", seriously questioning.

A few minutes afterwards, Raven lit the fire on the fireplace of the dorm room, as Raven was putting the Son of the Mask DVD case in the fire with the DVD in it.

"Mom, what are you doing?", Yang asks.

Raven shushes, even though she had took her mask off already at the time and is holding it, before putting it down, using tongs to pull the DVD out of the fireplace. "Hold out your hand, Ruby. It might be quite cold.", she says, before when Ruby was holding her hands out, before Raven puts the DVD case onto Ruby's hands with the tongs, which the teenager shouts in pain, dropping the DVD. As Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss glared angrily at Raven, the latter then said, "Huh. Or maybe not...", who sighs and facepalms.

The five sit at a table in the dorm room a minute later with the lights on in the dorm room during that night, with the DVD case of Son of the Mask sitting on the table.

"This is the one DVD, forged in the fires of Hell and now set upon the world. One of two things must happen. Either you girls must return it to it's master, Salem...", explains Raven to the girls.

Ruby questions, "Wait- Salem is the one who owns this DVD? One in a million copies of this, and it's hellish."

"Yes, either you girls must return it to her...or...you girls must finish watching it...all the way through.", Raven told them, before the DVD started talking hellish things again.

Yang sighs, "Mom? ...Why won't you take it?"

"No, I don't think so.", Raven tells her daughter, thus starting a quick and fast discussion with the girls taking turns of asking Raven whether or not she wants to take the movie, that is before Raven yells at the girls, "DON'T TEMPT ME, GIRLS! ...Understand, team RWBY, if you gave me this DVD, through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine."

Blake and Weiss curiously says, "Whoa...because it's so evil, it would totally consume you?"

"No, but minorly it would just be fun to use indiscriminately.", said Raven.

Yang mentions, "You know, you sometimes got a bit of a dark side, since we both have the same eye color, mom, but mine is occasionally."

"Team RWBY, you MUST finish this DVD.", commands Raven.

Ruby sighs, "We wish this piece of shit had never came to us."

"Oh, so do all who live to see such times.", wisely says Raven, "But that is not for us to decide. You girls found the DVD, and therefore you four were suffering. Meant to go through the sort of incredible psychological pain that no force on Earth could match until it's over. That is a very encouraging thought."

Ruby and Yang sobbed with Blake and Weiss, "No, that's not a very encouraging thought! In fact, that's about as far away from an encouraging thought an encouraging thought could get..."

"I know. Well, that's all I got. If it makes you girls feel happier, I recommend you girls watch Gremlins other than Son of the Mask.", Raven recommended, giving team RWBY the DVD of Gremlins.

The girls wiped their tears away, before Blake has an opportunity to kiss Weiss, while Ruby and Yang thanks, sniffling, "Thanks. That cover does make us feel happier, encouraging us to finish watching Son of the Mask."

"Glad to hear that.", Raven says, getting up from her chair and putting her Grimm-like mask on, a red portal appearing. "I'll come later if you need any help.", she spoke through her mask, before she then walks through the portal and disappearing with the portal.

A moment later, Ruby thanked with compassion and happiness, "Thanks. Thanks a lot! Let me know if you wanna quote Lord of the Rings when the time comes.", sighing with the three girls, but they finally have the confidence to finish reviewing and watching the awful Son of the Mask...

 **To be concluded...**


	3. Son of the Mask (Pt 3)

**RWBY's Commentary on Son of the Mask (Part 3 - Finale)**

Ruby starts off the next scene in the movie with Tim trying to change Alvey's diaper, "So, Jamie tries something different for a change; actually being a good father, by the very least changing the baby's diaper.", before to the tune of The Beautiful Blue Danube, the baby suddenly pees, but with multiple streams as the father struggle to not make a mess caused by the baby's pee by trying to fill it with cups, much to the disgust of team RWBY.

"Why are you making us think about a baby with three penises? What- twisted pigshit does that?!", argues Yang.

Then the scene shows the baby stopped peeing, relieving Tim, before the baby smiles and suddenly a gush of pee sprays on Tim, which Blake jokes, "Isn't that funny? A FAMILY picture!"

"So Loki finally finds the baby and tries to force him to tell him where the Mask is.", Weiss synopsized, the next scene showing Loki cornering Tim and the baby, Loki about to use his powers on them with a red fireball while having an awful green godlike face.

Ruby comments too, "Once again, you gotta really admire his fashion sense. Must be a homage to when KISS performed on St. Patrick's Day.", before the next part of the scene shows Loki throwing a giant grenade at Tim and Alvey, but the baby helps his father by cartoonishly making a shield with his hands, the grenade exploding and saving Tim and the baby.

"But it's okay, because the baby likes his father now. Yeah right the fuck out of nowhere again with no goddamn explanation, and Odin possesses Jamie's body to tell Loki he's fed up.", said Yang, a next part of the scene showing Loki's green godlike face turning back to normal as Tim was possessed by Odin, who tells Loki he is stripped of his powers and banished to the land of mortals, before he uses his hand to shoot lightning bolts out at Loki, electrifying him to the point his hair turns white.

Blake complains afterwards, "So he's a mortal now, which doesn't add up because the baby does all this stuff with the dumpsters and, survives it, somehow. But what makes even less sense is Loki is stripped of his powers just so he can convince Odin literally in two scenes later to give them back. Yeah, it's just two scenes later, it's like a couple minutes! Meaning there was no point to take the powers away, expect to make the movie go even longer."

"Because, yeah! That's what we need! This freaky as fuck movie to go even longer! Let's celebrate with more creepy ass imagery!", agreed and sarcastically comments Weiss.

When showing a scene of Loki using his powers to turn Tim's neighbour's face into a giant nose, this disgusts Ruby and Yang, and when Tim's wife Tonya seemingly came home during the next part of the scene, revealing to be disguised by Loki horrendously, it too disgusts Blake and Weiss, and when Tim checks the baby Alvey to show Loki's face on it with a creepy look, the team RWBY shrieks and cowers in fear, covering their faces from the disturbing images.

"God, it's bad enough we have the Schwarzenegger baby from Junior!", Yang mentions.

Ruby questions about the ridiculous comparison, "Can you imagine showing those two back-to-back?", before a short moment she realizes, " **DON'T SHOW THOSE TWO BACK-TO-BACK!** ", before the comparison shows between the Schwarzenegger baby and the Loki baby from the respective Junior and Son of the Mask movies, with Spongebob horror music added along to it.

Suddenly, Ruby starts to have a heart attack because of the horrifying comparison between the two disturbing babies, the message saying, ' **Heart Attack! Take Medication!** ', making Yang, Blake and Weiss worry a lot as Ruby sways in pain and slams her right hand on her legs with her other hand holding her chest! In a rush, Yang quickly gets Ruby emergency pills, opening it quickly and putting one in her mouth, while Blake and Weiss help by giving her some water to wash it down, before Ruby's heart attack stops, saving her life.

"That...was...extreme...", Ruby pants, after experiencing her first heart attack, due to being scared about that comparison part a lot, "I feel okay now."

Yang said, "Glad your sister and your two friends were there to help you. You would've died. Heart attacks for young people is extremely rare. We never had a heart attack before."

"I'll continue.", Blake says, "So Loki takes the kid, saying if he doesn't get the Mask back soon, he's keeping him. This leads to a _delightful_ moment where Jamie thinks his wife Tonya returned home as Loki and thus beats the loving bajeezus out of her."

The movie shows the next scene with Tim thinking his wife Tonya is disguised as Loki too, but actually isn't, as he beats her up, causing Weiss to joke like the other girls earlier, "A FAMILY picture.", which the three girls smile at her for the joke.

Ruby was okay to comment the next scene, "So they find the Mask and decide to do a trade, but wouldn't you know it? In the less than three minutes of screen time, Loki decides he likes the kid now, and wants to keep him forever."

"But, the always-popular crotch shot...", described Yang.

The scene showing the dog charging and leaping as it bites Loki's crotch, causing the god of mischief to scream in pain as his eyes bulge out, causing team RWBY to all say, "A FAMILY picture!"

"What? It's a crotch shot.", Ruby shrugs with the other girls, "A bit of a cliche, don't you think? Especially the part when his eyes bulge to the point where it's seen outer space.", before shuddering to the last part.

Blake then adds, "Anyway, the always-popular crotch shot gets the Mask out of his hands and back onto Jamie.", the same scene showing Loki letting go of the Mask, Tim catching it and turning into his Mask form once again, Loki trying to escape in a limo with Tim's Mask form turning their family car into an awesome one.

"So they work into the Charlie Sheen mobile, which to be fair, that car's exquisite, and drive on over to the final showdown.", synopsized Weiss, the next scene showing Tim's Mask form confronting Loki in the arena, with a boxing arena there.

Ruby then criticized, "Will you turn your wide-angle lens down?! You've had it pushed to maximum since frame one!", the scene showing Tim's Mask form beating Loki in boxing into a suitcase, and the protagonist, his wife and the baby about to escape but Tim slams into a brick wall that Loki summons with a giant pencil.

"Now why didn't they make a toy out of that? It's such a charming, delightful image I'm sure kids would flock to- DON'T SHOW THAT AGAIN.", Yang thought out loud.

Blake says, "So they decide they've evenly matched and figure the best thing to do is let the baby decide where he goes.", the scene showing Tim putting Alvey in between him and Loki, competing which who gets the baby's attention.

" _I'm just the mother, so I clearly have no say in this._ ", mocks Weiss about the wife, the next part of the scene showing that Loki's baby has turned into some sort of Beetlejuice-carnival placement, freaking the four girls out.

The four team members of RWBY say, "If we don't look at it, it can't hurt us! If we don't look at it, it can't hurt us!", the next part of the scene showing Tim removing the Mask and turning back to his normal form, finally getting the baby's attention as he comes to Tim.

"So his CGI mouth chooses his father. Again, the mother we guess weighed no part in this decision. And we even get some family bonding with Odin and Loki, after the latter tries to kill Tim.", explains Ruby, the next part showing Tim telling Odin and Loki lessons that Loki will always be his son, no matter if he punishes or banishes him, before the two gods leave with the Mask.

Yang smirks, "Well, gee, if only Jamie Kennedy were there in the Avengers. I don't wanna know what would happen if he was there. Nordic god psychiatrist?"

"So everything seems to be great now. Heck, Jamie even has a new idea for a TV show with motion-capture and CGI animation.", Blake says, "Much like The Polar Express, Beowulf and A Christmas Carol."

Weiss continues, "Yeah, that does sound like a huge TV show, doesn't it? Well, we did have this other dumb idea about kids collecting Pocket Monsters (Pokemon) to defeat evil, but this, this is really gold.", before the end of the movie shows the baby winking, ending the movie.

"Thank god the evil is over!", relieves Team RWBY finally.

Ruby and Yang says the first part of their last review for the overall of the movie, "You remember how Tarsem directed The Cell? A poorly made movie that dived into the mind of a serial killer? Well, Tarsem got it wrong. THIS is the poorly made movie that dives into the mind of a serial killer! It just forgot to mention the serial killer part! Not only is the movie horribly written, awkwardly acted, filled with lame as hell effects, and using WAY too much goddamn wide-angle lens, it is scary! Scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary!"

"We feel unclean, we mean, we can destroy this movie all we want, but it will never get rid of the images that it has planted in here! They won't haunt us, but nobody should ever have to see the terrifying terror that this movie has produced!", Blake and Weiss says the last overall of the movie.

Then Ruby removes the disc of Son of the Mask out of the DVD player and puts it back in the case, holding the DVD, "And they're not going to if I have to say anything about it!"

The four girls then got out of their chairs and stood near the dorm room window, Yang then saying, "From Hell's heart, I throw you the fuck...out!", as the four altogether prepare and think they threw the DVD out the window...

"What the...?", Blake and Weiss question, before the four girls were shocked to see the disc got out of the DVD case of Son of the Mask and is placed back in the DVD player, restarting the movie non-stop through horrendous parts of the movie.

Ruby freaks out, "Oh my god! It's playing again! It's going over and over and over! Oh, my god! Can somebody stop it? CAN SOMEBODY STOP IT?!"

All of a sudden, the mysterious red portal appears again and it reveals to be Raven again, who has her sword weapon and her Grimm-like mask on.

"Stand back, team RWBY!", Raven told the girls.

Yang presumes in surprise, "Mom!"

"I'll handle this.", the brave mother of Yang said to them as she stood in front of the four girls with Ruby supporting with the remote, saying in a Lord of the Rings fashion, "You shall not pass OR play...", as a couple small explosions appear caused by the demonic DVD. "I am a member of Team STRQ, leader of a thousand tribes! CGI should not avail you, film of boredom! Go back to the cutting room shadows!", she spoke out loud towards the replaying movie, more small explosions happening. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS OR PLAY!", she shouts, before pulling out her red sword from her sheath, towards the TV with Ruby trying to turn off the TV...

...

...nothing happens.

Raven tries to use her sword to turn the movie off, but to no avail. She removes her Grimm-like mask and examines why it isn't happening.

"Uh, Raven? How many times have you done this?", Ruby asks.

The mother of Yang answers, "Well...once. Including now. Girls, I told you you should've watched Gremlins or Game of Thrones, because it would be better to-"

 **BOOM!**

A explosion burst of flames erupts from the TV and about to come towards the team RWBY and Raven, the four girls screaming with Raven angrily shocked by this with her sword at the ready...

"STOP!"

The voice booms, causing the explosion of fire from the TV, that's near the five threatening burn them, to implode, the movie and TV turned off.

The five were shockingly surprised and wondering at this, as we see the person who had said it is putting the disc of Son of the Mask back in the case.

Salem, who is with Neo and Cinder.

"Ah, yes. Another typical viewing.", Salem presumes.

Raven greets unimpressed, "Salem."

"Raven. Just stopped by to get my movie for Neo.", explained the goddess.

Ruby says, "We knew it! You own that horrible movie."

"And hello, Neo and Cinder.", greeted Raven, still unimpressed.

Cinder simply says, "Charmed.", while Neo waves hello.

"Is everything fine in that castle of yours?", sarcastically says Raven.

Salem answers, "Yes, it is. Still trying to take over the world, I guess."

"Well, I guess the DVD problem's gone, girls. I best be going now. Yang, my darling, I hope you and your friends have a wonderful day. I'll see you later.", says Raven as she says goodbye to Team RWBY, leaving through the red portal.

After she leaves, Ruby explained to Salem, "Well, we were watching this movie reviewing it, and I guess that movie is hellish and terrible...?"

"You girls must've found that movie.", Salem says, before pinching Ruby's face, "The Son of the Mask movie belongs to me. Don't ever watch that movie again.", before letting go of Ruby's face.

As the three villains were leaving with the Son of the Mask DVD in Salem's hands, Cinder says, "It's best if you watch something else like that Gremlins or Game of Thrones DVD you have there.", while Neo does a 'see you later' look.

After they left too, the four girls sighed, as the four sat back down in their commentary chairs, Ruby finishing off the review, "Again, I'm Ruby..."

"...I'm Yang..."

"...I'm Blake..."

"...and I'm Weiss."

Ruby concludes, "There you have it. That was our review of Son of the Mask...I remember it so you don't have to. See you next time for our next movie review!", finishing the first story of RWBY's nostalgic commentaries.

 **End of RWBY's Commentary on Son of the Mask**

 **Next up: Ruby and Yang's Commentary on Foodfight!**


	4. Foodfight (Pt 1)

**In this second non-canon and humorous story, this time Ruby and Yang review and comment on another horrible and awful animated movie, Foodfight!, which was requested by their Team JNPR friends Pyrrha and Nora, but what Ruby and Yang didn't know, their experience on reviewing the Foodfight movie takes an unexpected temporarily turn at the end.**

 **HAVEN ACADEMY**

As Ruby and Yang return to their dorm room at the end of the day, the two were dazed with shock, starting a reference to Batman Returns. The sisters said, "Blake, Weiss, we're back."

"So, how was your day reviewing Foodfight?", asks Blake on her bed reading a book with Weiss reading with her, as Ruby and Yang don't answer, knocking over a lamp.

Weiss asks, "Girls? Is there something wrong?"

The two sisters go to the small kitchen of the dorm room, where Ruby puts her phone on the table as she and Yang go to the fridge to get bottles of water, as messages say while the two drank the water and spilling some as they drank the whole bottles;

 _"Hey, Ruby and Yang, it's Nora here. Heard you're gonna review Foodfight. Good luck to you two. I heard that the Nazis allegedly would've used it if they ran out of bullets."_

 _"It's Pyrrha. Ruby, Yang, are you sure you're review Foodfight? It's probably one of the first animated movies to get a negative percentage on Rotten Tomatoes."_

 _"A message from the Remnant Supermarket Corporation. We were hoping to indulge your hunger by holding a sale for the widest series of grocery products, Mr. Clean, Mrs. Butterworth, StarKist Tuna, and more are all on this sale this week. Remnant Supermarket Corporation. Brought to you by Foodfight, the newest animated film from Threshold Productions and Viva Pictures."_

Hearing the last message in a nervous breakdown of PTSD, Ruby and Yang scream and threw the empty water bottles at the phone as Blake and Weiss watch in shock. The two sisters then pick Ruby's phone up and suddenly smashes it stressfully, causing Blake and Weiss to gasp. The two sisters also grab the DVD case of Foodfight with the disc in it, putting it on the sink as Yang helps by using her gauntlets to punch it open and shatter it in a million pieces, using the garbage disposal to destroy it more.

Then the two get products like StarKist Tuna, Mr. Clean, Mrs. Buttersworth, Vlasic, Hawaiian Punch, Twinkies and Mr. Bubble, and in the dorm room bathroom, the two girls drop and scramble the products on the ground, opening the jar of Vlasic and spilling the pickles and juice on the products while Blake and Weiss continue watching this, worried. Ruby and Yang grabs pans afterwards, and the two starts to smack and destroy the products with the pans, crying agonizingly as the two also ate the Twinkies vigorously, slamming the products some more after before they slipped on the pickle juice in the mess, the two embracing as they lied on the ground with the destroyed products, crying and sobbing while their two team member friends Blake and Weiss came over, comforting and taking care of the saddened Ruby and Yang, ending the reference of Batman Returns...

* * *

 **Two Hours Earlier**

"Okay, Blake and Weiss. I hope you two have a fantastic afternoon cuddling while reading. Me and Yang are gonna go to the library to go meet with Pyrrha and Nora.", Ruby said to the two. "I just got messages about me and my sister's next recommend movie to review, Foodfight."

Blake answers, "Okay. I'll see you two later.", before the two friendly sisters left the dorm room.

At the library, Ruby and Yang ask Pyrrha and Nora about the messages, "What the heck is Foodfight? And why does everyone want us to review it?"

"Well, according to our research, Foodfight is one of the worst, if not the worst, animated movie of all time?", analyzed Pyrrha.

Yang questions to her friend, "Like _worse_ worse?"

"It only came out a few years ago, but it seems to be growing an underground following at a surprisingly rapid rate.", Nora supports.

Pyrrha added, "If our data serves correctly, this flop could be as popular as The Room and Birdemic combined. It could easily be the next big thing."

"Only a few only critics have reviewed it so far, which means it's potential can still be milked like a lactating Clarabelle Cow.", Nora looks at the status update online.

Ruby wonders, "Wait a minute. So you two are saying that if us two jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, could we be one of the frontrunners of the backwagon?"

"Potentially.", answers Pyrrha.

Then Ruby and Yang wink and thumbs up, picturing themselves on the $100 bill of the United Kingdoms of Remnant, before the latter sister responds, "Well, if you'll excuse me and my little sis, we'll be at the centre of one of the most popular bad animated films of all time."

"We wouldn't be too hopeful, Ruby and Yang. A person tried to kill himself after reviewing that movie in this academy.", Nora and Pyrrha mention.

Ruby scoffs, "Ah, whatever. We're sure he's fine. Keep checking the numbers. It's the least you can do to indulge the brilliant, intellectual minds I've decided to write for you all of a sudden. Us two will be in the lecture room. We'll be back to tell you about the movie after."

"Okay. See ya.", Pyrrha waves bye as the two sisters leave the library of Beacon.

 **Ruby and Yang's Commentary on Foodfight! (Part 1)**

Then, entering the empty lecture room, Ruby and Yang sit down in their commentary chairs by the front desk and with the Foodfight movie ready at the room's DVD player, starting off with Ruby, "Well, it's a little hard to talk about this piece of shit without addressing it's background."

"The film was supposed to be sort of the Toy Story and Wreck-It-Ralph of food icons, combining characters often seen in grocery areas. It was supposed to come out in 2002 or 2003, but due to production problems, copyright issues, and even someone stealing the footage-", Yang mentions.

Ruby asks, "Wait? Somebody wanted to steal this? Because the film was tinkered, altered and pushed back to ten years later. But thank God ten years doesn't make a difference to such Hollywood giants like Hillary Duff, Chris Kattan, Eva Longoria and 24/7 dodger of controversy, Charlie Sheen. I'm sure all these people will be just as big in 2012 or 2013 as they were in 2002 or 2003."

"There's even reports that apparently $65,000,000 into making this stinker. _$65,000,000?_ ", shocked Yang.

Ruby explained, "Well, maybe it'd be like Waterworld, where at the very least, the size and scale of the production can be impressive. So anyway, let's find out by taking a look at Foodfight!"

 **Foodfight!**

"$65,000,000, folks! Clearly the money is on the screen. By god, look at this! How could that amount of money go into something that shitty looking?! Was...was somebody actually deranged enough to team up Ume Bowl and Tommy Wiseau as the film's budget accountants? The money laudering from this must be a loophole black hole!", Yang complained, after showing a part in the opening scene. "So we see his store closing for the night called Marketopolis Market..."

Ruby continues when the next scene shows the store closing and then turning into a grand marketopolis, "...when the real world wakes up inside. Redundant much redundant? I'm not exactly sure how this works, if the store actually transforms at night or Marketopolis is a state of being, but this world exists and can only be described as what your nightmares would look like if they never rendered properly."

"And at the foreground at this world is Charlie Sheen's character, Dex Dogtective.", Yang said, the next part of the scene showing Dex fighting four ugly-looking hamsters.

Ruby points out, "And we know what you're thinking, 'Boy, have the Ratchet and Clank games really gone downhill.' But actually, it's just Dex saving a bunch of kittens from a villain that, like in most bad movies, won't connect to anything else in the plot.", continuing this part of the scene when Dex confronts a thief villain named Fat Cat, which is actually a rat.

"Wait a minute. What was that character's name?", Yang asks.

Ruby then told, "Okay, first of all, Disney, sue something! Second, is the movie actually so stupid that it can't tell the difference between a rat and a cat?! I mean, look at this thing! It's so fucking obviously a rat! $65,000,000 and they can't tell the difference between a rat and a cat?!"

"Isn't it kind of a no-brainer that you don't give 65 million to a person who would fail a Fisher-Price Barnyard Animals game?", Yang asks her sister in support, before the two see Neptune and his boyfriend Sun playing the Fisher-Price game.

The Spin N' Say landing on the cat, as Neptune answers, "Squeak, squeak?"

"Give them all the money! Clearly we're dealing with artistic genius here!", spoke Ruby and Yang in a Russian-German accent.

Sun apologizes, "What? It's actually meow, Neptune."

"Give them an extra grand for that.", Yang adds.

Ruby then continues, "So the kittens are saved by McGruff the Crap Dog, for the record, we were considering more like Indiana Bones, and he heads over to, what else, his sassy black sidekick."

"That's Wayne Brady as this...frightening combination of teeth and fever dreams, who gets excited that Dex is going to ask his sweetheart to marry him. Who's his sweetheart?", Yang presumes, before the two girls saw the love interest of Dex in the movie, who the girls were shocked. "What the fuck is that?!"

Ruby also says, "That...scariness is apparently Sunshine Goodness, played by Hillary Duff, a cat mascot for raisins created by a designer who clearly has to ask himself more questions about his sexuality.", the next scene showing Dex and Sunshine.

"And yes, I too, realize she looks more like a human and practically nothing like a cat.", Yang agrees. "Are cats hard to draw, though? Did a cat snub you, director, at a party so you refuse to portray them on any form of film?"

Ruby answers to her sister and continued, "Uh, probably? The director was snubbed for sure. The idea of them getting married gets Daredevil Dan so touched he cries pellets, or walnuts.", the scene showing Daredevil Dan crying pellets or walnuts of joy.

"I don't know about that... But Sunshine has to head out before Dex can pop the question.", summarized Yang, the next part of the scene showing Sunshine leaving happily for a bit so she might return for Dex.

Ruby watches this and says, "Okay, Sunshine, I'm just gonna put this on you.", before placing a KIDNAP ME! sticky note on Sunshine during the scene. "We all know that's pretty much what you're saying."

"Sure enough, she does disappear and six months later, Dex gives up the dogtective business and decides to open up a club called the Copabanana. While that's going on, a salesperson, played by Christopher Lloyd, comes in and- WHAT THE HELL ARE WE LOOKING AT?!", shocks Yang, with Ruby scared at the last part with the saleperson known as Mr. Clipboard, showing a scene of him talking to the store manager.

Ruby explains, "Okay, this went from "Submitting a stick figure to an art museum" embarassing to "Shitting your pants in front of Pixar, claiming it's your magnum opus" embarrassing, thought we'll see how Cars 3 turns out, but what the fuck's going on here?!", before the movie shows more scenes of Mr. Clipboard during this part of the movie.

"Was it really somebody's dream to give a personality to Mask No.5 from The Dark Knight? W-would you trust a guy if he was selling something and looked and acted like this?", Yang complained.

Her sister Ruby shudders, "That would be extremely weird. So the grocery store owner, of course, agrees to such a puppy-dog-looking man, and Brand X begins to be brought into the store. Back in Sax and Max hit the sauce, we see Dex makes his way to Casa de Cameo, which is the hangout for big name icons like Mr. Clean, Charlie the Tuna, and the California Raisins. The funny thing is, the people who obviously said no, to using their product icons in the movie all have really ugly, really bitter substitutes, that we guess are trying to stick it back to the people who denied the use of their image. Like this character is their version of Chiquita Banana.", showing the next scene with Casa de Cameo and the uglier version portrayal of Chiquita Banana in Foodfight.

"And these other scenes is obviously supposed to be the Keebler Twins, the Brawny Man, and gee, a chocolate cereal vampire? We wonder who that's supposed to be.", Yang mentions the other big name icons throughout the movie.

Ruby guessed, "Count Chocula. Most of them are portrayed as either stupid, ugly, or not very helpful. It's kinda like the movie's kind of saying _"Oh, yeah, you missed out, guys! You too, could have been in a movie where farting is the highlight and people trip into other people's butts!"_ I think we know who the losers are in this deal!"

"Oh, definitely give them an extra credit for that.", Yang agrees with her. "And we guess the representative of Brand X in this world is Lady X, a supposedly sexy seductress with the dead lifeless eyes of a plastic blow-up doll and a personality just as interesting to match.", showing a scene with Dex and Lady X.

Ruby also says, "Oh yeah, we forgot to mention. Every scene that has Dex in it has to end in a bad pun. And we know what you're thinking, _"Oh, Ruby and Yang, you said that about everything!"_ But no! Literally, every scene ends in a bad pun!", complaining this as several scenes have examples with Dex saying bad puns at the end of his sentences.

"Some of them don't make a lick of sense! The only thing more demeaning than that is all the sexual innuendos. Oh, yeah! There's a ton of those in there, too!", Yang supports, more quotes having innuendos in this awful movie.

Ruby continued, "Because a movie like this clearly needs that adult edge for the audience they're obviously going for. Like there's some grown-ups, somewhere watching this movie with their kids, saying, _"Hmm, well, I was gonna turn this off and not expose my child to such a piece of shit, but then it acknowledged that I'm a pervert in a way my kid won't understand. This movie gets us."_ The innuendos are so many and so strange , you have to wonder if the director had some sort of sexual agenda on his mind-", before she and her sister Yang watch another innuendo scene, "THIS IS A FETISH FILM! Between the innuendos, the cat lady, and the fact that every outfit this woman wears even a dominatrix would say is too silly, fetish film!", before she stamps the last two words on the screen with Ruby and Yang.

"By the way, plaid gloves? Really? This design is so weird, it created the illusion that her hands are on backwards. On top of that, it looks like her arm is melting into Al Borland's shirt. Is this actually a popular thing and we just never noticed that?", questioned and said Yang, the next scene showing Dex and another character Maximillus.

Her sister Ruby again summarized the next scene, "So Dex starts to notice something along with stereotype #20 here, that being that Lady X is starting to rub out the other characters.", this scene then showing Mr. Clean a bit, before focusing on Dex and the other characters. "Really? Mr. Clean showed up just for that one joke? He wasn't even around for the rest of the scene! And suddenly, he appears when this fox character there says the word bald."

"And now he's just stuck there. Look at him! He's just standing around like, _"Uh, is there anything else you wanted me to do? Was I really just a pawn in your lame-ass little punch line? I have a Ph.D in Physics! Perhaps I can educate the young children watching about fluid or solid mechanics or, or I'll just look over here. Yeah, I'm show I'll show up when you make another boob joke. Shouldn't take long."_ Am I right, sis?", explained the blonde sister.

Ruby nods, "Right. So Dex decides it's time to get some answers from the streets.", before the two sisters see this next scene when suddenly, a long animal head and neck snakes from the bottom of Dex's body and talks, as both sisters respond, "Oh my god, his dick's talking! His dick's talking! That's it! Game over, man! GAME OVE-", before the sisters realize the long animal neck was actually a slick and poorly-animated weasel named Cheasel T. Weasel.

"Tell me you wouldn't be shocked if he went that direction.", arguably said Yang, the next part of the scene with Cheasel talking to Dex slickly. "Yeah, something else you'll notice is the motion-capture arm acting. I guess because the expressions in this movie are...non-existent, all the acting comes through how much the characters awkwardly wave their arms. It's like watching C-3PO having a seizure! But even he somehow would have more expression on his face than these guys!", she says, before an earlier scene with the fox character waving his arms, Yang does a C-3PO impression by moving his arms, "R2-D2, where are you?", Ruby watching this curiously.

Ruby asked, "Uh, what are you doing, sis?"

"It's just a funny joke!", answered her blonde sister, continuing to moving her arms like C-3PO for a bit.

Nevertheless, the black-red girl continued, "So Dex and Dan go and get some answers from, you won't believe this, another scary demon from Hell!", the next scene showing an ugly character named Dr. Nustrix, with a Johnny Test-like voice. Both sisters were shocked to this scene and comment, "GOD!", before they slowly covered their eyes, "We're just gonna close our eyes and pray it goes away...", several parts of this scene showing the most cringiest moments of Dr. Nustrix, before the two sisters uncovered their eyes from the scene, saying, "No. It only got worse.", and were also disgusted at the next moment of the scene showing Dr. Nustrix sneezing with his giant nose and releasing a ton of boogery mucus.

"Well, at least they're not pulling the ultimate insult by giving him a stereotypical Johnny Test accent.", referenced Yang, more moments of this scene showing Dr. Nustrix. The two sisters were unsatisfied by this as the blonde girl continued, "Are there any other groups you'd like to insult? I mean, the human race is so vast andfull of variety, I'm sure you can find the blackface of every single person on the planet! In fact, why even focus on a group? Why not just show us ugliness? In any shape or form! You're good at THAT!", arguing this before she unleashes a few flames while her lilac eyes turned red in anger.

Ruby comforts her sister, "Okay, okay, don't get too carried away...", calming Yang down as she thanked her compassionately, before commenting as the two sisters watched the next scene with Dex and Dan in the grocery store during daytime, "Don't even give a reason. Just use it in this scene where they now physically exist in the store, again adding no continuity to how the fuck this world works, and just throw in whatever terrible, ungodly thing comes out of your head-", before this scene shows a horrifyingly ugly face of a mother grocery shopper, scaring the two sisters to the point where they scream.

" **WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAAAAAAAAT!?** ", Ruby and Yang both scream to the ugly mother's face in that scene. "Oh my god! We get it! We totally get it now! This movie is punishment for us to repent all the terrible things we've done in our lives! All right! If it will stop you from scaring the living animals out of us, even though we've never do the following we're about to say to you, we'll confess! WE'LL CONFESS!", they both yelled in horror, before Ruby and Yang took turns of making incorrect, false and inadvertently excuses;

"I was the one who cancelled Firefly!"

"I was the one who encouraged Fred to be an online series!"

"I was the one who told Taco Bell to make a breakfast menu!"

"I was the one who told John Travolta how to pronounce Idina Menzel!"

"I was the one who getting rid of the cartoons on Cartoon Network!"

Both Ruby and Yang scream and plead, " **JUST TAKE US OUT OF THIS SCENE!** ", before the scene shows Dex and Dan escaping from the part of the grocery store. The two relax a bit afterwards.

"Okay. Those excuses we just said were NOT true. We think we need a break for a bit.", Ruby pants. "Watch some commercials..."

Yang also said, "Or maybe read a few fanfics...", before she and Ruby alert, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don't make a movie out of either of them!", before the two sisters embraced each other in comfort.

 **To be continued AND concluded...**


	5. Foodfight (Pt 2)

**Ruby and Yang's Commentary on Foodfight! (Part 2 - Final)**

Ruby continued the review in the start of the second part, "So they come across the same mascot on the chocolate cereal, clearly, that's supposed to be Cap'n Crunch.", the scene showing Dex and Dan meeting Vlad the chocolate cereal mascot.

"You'd have to have one before you can lose it.", Yang speaks of which. "So they decide to get the brands together to stop the Lady X and her Brand X army. But not before her head of the guards, Lt. X, tries to shut down the Cocabanana.", she continued, the scene afterwards showing Lt. X and his Brand X guards commanding the brands to sing their brand song but the brands righteously refused.

Ruby realizes, "Oh no! They got Tim Curry in this one! Why, Tim? Why?"

"It's not Tim Curry. It's Jeff Bennett.", corrects her sister Yang.

Her red-black sister answers, "Oh.", this part of the scene showing Lt. X and the other Brand X guards singing their song, before Ruby reviewed, "Anyway, Dex comes in and starts singing their triumphant song...", the good brands suddenly dancing and singing in that scene when Dex arrived, to what's known as what Ruby answered, "...the French National Anthem?", the musical non-sensual scene that's shown continued.

"Gee. This scene looks familiar. In a way that unless you saw the original movie, this would make absolutely no sense whatsoever.", familiarized Yang.

Ruby agreed, "Yeah. Like the amazing Casablanca. And it's extremely unlikely that any little kid would have seen this movie, so this probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. If you haven't guessed it yet, they're clearly paying homage to Barb Wire. Look, I know it's Pamela Anderson's greatest performance, but it's unlikely most children have viewed it's genius!", the next part of the scene showing the brand icons finishing the anthem in a nonsense way, appalling Lt. X and the other enemies.

"So Lt. X comes back with a bigger army and it looks like their battle has just begun.", Yang summarized, the next scene showing the soldiers of Brand X arriving, particularly doing jazz hands for no reason, the battle beginning as a food icon pours a giant cup of hot chocolate on the climbing soldiers in the building intersections. Yang watches this scene and comments, "Wow. Absolutely outstanding detail. Surely, they must have asked Pixar to do this breathtaking work of genius."

"Actually, they did! And after reading the script, not only did they send this terrible animation as a joke, but they also attached a hand-written joke saying "Go fuck yourselves!", by John Lasseter. But the director was so lazy, he used the clip anyway.", facts Ruby.

The two watch the next part of the scene with the poorly-animated foodfight, Yang commenting again, "And wow. Look at this amazingness! Surely, they must have asked Dreamworks to have this incredible work done."

"Actually, again, they did! And after they read the script, they sent them this spit-in-the-face render, while also sending out a picture of Spielberg, Katzenberg and Gaffen all mooning the camera and giving the finger. But again, the director was too lazy, so he used the clip anyway!", told Ruby again.

Yang says during the foodfight with the icons throwing food at the army altogether in a terrible composition of animation, "And wow! Unbelievable wow! Surely, such epic magnitude must have been asked to be done by Blue Sky Studios."

"Actually for the third time, THEY DID! And they asked if they could turn it into a horrible franchise.", said Ruby for the third time as a fact. "Don't be shocked if you see a crossover of Ice Age, Rio and Foodfight coming to a theatre near you. Just...don't watch it."

Then during the titular foodfight sequence, the two sisters even see Twinkie the Kid, the blonde sister of the two mentioning, "Hey, look! There's the Twinkie guy! We're sure he's gonna do something really big and really important coming. And after all, he is one of the biggest characters on the poster, along with these other icons you barely seen in this movie. Hell, Dex and Sunshine are 1/3 of their size. Surely, all of them are gonna get together and do something huge in the movie's climax! Like say nothing...pretty much do nothing...and take a back seat to graphics worse than the Money for Nothing video."

"And okay! A lot of you might be shouting _"That's phenomenal false advertising in a movie is absolutely nothing but advertising!"_ But this is incredible common in even good films. Heck, we may once saw a Star Wars poster online where the main focus was the mouse droid! And we know what a gigantic part he played, right?", said Ruby, before to Yang, "The movie would have been nothing without it."

After the next part of the scene with the foodfight, Lady X threats to Dex on a building, raising one leg on the railing as suddenly, Exobyte plane droids seemingly come out of her private part not shown, which confuses and shocks Ruby and Yang, both saying, "Launch out of my vag! There's enough fetish fuel in this movie FOR EVERYBODY!"

"Dan and the others try taking flight to stop her as Dan...is just doing stuff you don't do on an airplane. It doesn't connect with anything at all, it's just...stuff.", Yang summarized the next part of this battle scene.

After seeing the part when Dan was preparing to battle the Excabites, he was scrubbing himself like a shower, doing self-hypnosis and meditating with M&M milk chocolates, both sisters watching this were not amused, Ruby holding up the Foodfight DVD case, "Look. Here's a $65,000,000 comedy. Perhaps you'd like to do something funny with it."

"So Dex makes it to Lady X's headquarters and discovers, big fucking shock, that she was behind Sunshine's disappearance the whole time.", told Yang about the next scene, with Dex fighting Lt. X.

Ruby continued, "Sunshine gets her hands untied, throws a raisin to Dex which he uses as a weapon, so he can untie the hands we clearly just saw she untied herself.", before seeing the next part of the scene when Dex uses the raisin to make Lt. X eat it, who the villain dazed and fainted due to the raisin. The two girls were creeped out, saying four syllables, "Fe-tish-mo-vie."

"Uh, did she go blind since the last time we saw her? I don't think she's looked him in the face once during this scene.", Yang questions, the scene showing Sunshine happily thanking Dex as she touches his face.

Ruby does another impression of Sunshine like what Yang did for C-3PO earlier, "It is Dex, right? Unless Scooby-Doo took steroids and somehow fought his speech impediment."

"Again, what're you doing?", curiously asks her sister Yang.

Ruby excuses, "It's just a joke like you did, Yang.", still doing her Sunshine impression.

"But the spastic 80's rocker enters their world, or was he always part of the world, or is he sometimes in their world and sometimes not, or is this all sort of unique punishment program they use in The Matrix? And the entire town decides they have to bring him down.", Yang continues the review, the next scene showing Mr. Clipboard invading the town, and a few brand icons help bring the giant salesperson down.

Her sister Ruby says, "And now, finally, we learn the big disturbing, shocking twist! The villain of the movie the whole time was...", before the two sisters see that Mr. Clipboard was actually a giant robot, the face hatch opening to reveal Lady X. "...the villain of the movie.", the next part of the scene showing Dex talking to Lady X that she built a human robot, recalled Sunshine and used her essence to make the elixir for Brand X, the villainess complaining no one buys her prunes, and Dex doing a twirl as he questions how she got in and out of the store since she's an ike (icon).

"Perhaps if we do more ballerina twirls, the answer will become clear!", Yang danced with Ruby and comments, in a romantic fashion with her sister, on this scene, the next part beginning a horrid fight sequence.

Ruby says, "So we partake in more sex puns, some horrible CGI fighting, and such.", before unenthusiastically criticizing, "Look out. You almost convinced us the illusion of animation, and we quite literally have a cat fight between the two attractive women of the film.", this next part of the movie showing the fight between Sunshine and Lady X.

"I wonder how bad the writer did...", mentioned Yang. "He'd be like, _"And then, the hot furry chick kicks the ass out of the hot dominatrix, all while the men make funny jokes about her melons! Ha, that's so funny! And then, the dominatrix gets turned into an ugly woman, proving once and for all that if you're an ugly woman, no good can come out of you! Oh, and there's, uh, something having to do with Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Clean and a bunch of other products, but who cares? It's done! It's finished! My magnum opus for the Horny-Furry-S &M-Cat-Fight-Boxing Fanfiction Forum, is finally completed! All I have to do is submit it._", and he'd be like afterwards, _"OH NO, I just sent it to my big shot agent in Hollywood! I'm RUINED!_ _"_ , but lastly he would say, _"Why the fuck would they want $65,000,000 for it?"_ , am I right, sis?"

Ruby laughed so hard at this and hugs her sister romantically and affectionately, saying, "You're a funny sister after all."

"Thanks for noticing that.", her blonde sister answers back, before the two watch the next part of the scene when Lady X turns ugly, and Dex saying a bad pun to the villainess related to Gone with the Wind.

Unimpressed again with facepalms, Ruby says, "You know what just hit us? This is the movie that turned Charlie Sheen insane. I mean, really think about it. The timelines add up. He constantly had to be called back for redos, and if you had to return for this for ten fucking years in a row, wouldn't it kind of make sense that you would start talking like this? Good job, Foodfight. Good job."

"So Sunshine agrees to marry Dex, a last minute message is thrown in for no reason, whatever that means, and just when you think you're allowed to free this cauldron of eye rape, they decide there's so much more funny they need to get out!", Yang said before the movie ended, showing a post-credit scene of Sunshine checking what's under Dex's hat, to reveal another hat.

Ruby nods, "That's hilarious. So that's Foodfi-", before she and Yang were surprised to see another post-credits scene of the moose and frog characters talking, the red-black girl commented, "Charming. So that's Foodfight-", before the two sisters were annoyed to see a third post-credits scene with Polar Penguin, Ruby gritting her teeth and saying, "Nicely done, that was Foodfight-", until the two see a fourth post-credits scene of Lola and one of the brand icons, causing the two girls' breaking point.

"SHUT UP! **SHUT UP, SHUT UP!** Every second you speak is killing something we used to love for this movie inside of us! Will you just please shut up?! GOD! This is awful! It's awful! We'd rather much read the credits like we're reading a memorial of all the poor people who gave their life to this horribleness! All adding up to shit! $65,000,000 of SHIT!", both Ruby and Yang argue together about Foodfight.

Yang also mentioned, "Before you used to have a great concept back in 2002 which the animation was much better than this shitty 2012 one with the Cheetos guy, and the trailer for the original version had catchy music. It went like this.", before doing a short song to the tune of Copacabana with Ruby listening to this, smiling for her sister.

 **Yang: His name was Dexter, a great detective,  
And with his pal, Daredevil Dan, he would always get his man,  
But when she vanished, he was a failure,  
So he stopped being a sleuth, when he couldn't find the truth,  
**

 **Her name was Brand X, she is a new girl,  
And when she walked into his place, wow, the look on every face,  
But could he trust her? He didn't think so,  
Something didn't seem quite right, tell me, what's an exobyte?**

 **(I can't recognize the lyrics for this one part)  
Dex lost his love, maybe now his nightclub, but will Dex get X?**

 **At the Copa, Copabanana, the hottest spot north of Havana!**

Ruby applauds, "I agree with you, Yang! That version would've been better than the 2012 version if the film wasn't stolen!", before resuming, "And you know what? The price of the movie doesn't matter. Okay, yeah, it does, a lot. But the point we're trying to make is whether it was made for $65,000,000 or $65, there is nothing to be proud in this movie. Everybody should be ashamed for even acknowledging it exists. We feel like Beezlebum's ballsack just for drawing attention to it! The animation is the worst, they never look alive, the jokes are the worst, they never get a laugh, the characters are the worst, they're all just stereotypes of stereotypes, the plot is the worst, it's a joke, literally, it's all written as a joke, but one with no good setup or punchline! It is one of the worst pieces of commercialized dog shit we have ever seen in our entire lives! And given the roundup of movies we're starting to do, that's saying a lot!"

"In fact, I don't think human hands could've made it. I think something much more horrendous and disrespectful had to pull it's energy together and make something so awful!", agreed and added Yang.

That was when Ruby and Yang realizes something about Foodfight.

"My god. We just figured it out!", Ruby and Yang both said, "The horrible CG animation, the awful stereotypes, the tremendously unfunny humor, the fact that everything in this movie is just despicably awkward and unnatural!", before both sisters say, "MY GOD! I know who directed this FILM!", with looks of shocking realization of who directed Foodfight (which the one I'm about to say is false, actually directed by Lawrence Kasanoff).

A Beowolf, outside talking to it's Beowolf Grimm friends about Foodfight 2.

"From Hell's motherfucking heart, I stab at thee!", Ruby gritted, as she pulls out her phone and puts a missile command app, pressing a single button, causing a missile outside to launch and release a missile barrage, off-screeningly killing the Beowolves. "It is done.", she says.

Both sisters say the last part of their Foodfight review, "But the evil will never truly go away. This is the worst animated film we've ever seen. Hands down, no comparison. It's scars may have left deep inside both of us, but we'll get over it. We'll be strong. Because we know that we seen the worst. We know that no other form of animation will ever be worse than Foodfight. And because of that, we both know for a fact that this film will forever be in the movie history books always be seen, as..."

* * *

"...passe!?", surprised Ruby and Yang after their review, meeting with Pyrrha and Nora in the library.

Pyrrha calculated, "Yup. Since you started the review however, Ruby, Yang, the movie's popularity has died out."

"But we both reviewed the movie for about an hour long!", said Ruby.

Pyrrha corrects, "Well, that was practically 30 minutes in Internet time."

"Yes, people knew it was the next popular thing to mock.", told Nora.

The other team member of JNPR said, "So they decided to not mock it at all."

"Wait, so the popularity of something can fade even before it becomes popular?", Yang asks.

Pyrrha answers, "Yep. I think it's called the Hipster Effect?"

"Knowing something is going to be ironically cool makes it traditionally cool.", supported Nora.

Pyrrha continued, "So to be ahead in short-form, they decided not to make it ironically cool."

"Hell, even thinking about it probably cuts it's lifespan in half!", studied Nora.

Ruby and Yang sighed, "So you're both telling us sitting through all this misery, the worst animated film of all time was-"

"A complete waste of time? Look, we're sorry, girls, we really do. We didn't expect this was happening. Next time, maybe do a better movie though. We both feel proud of you for reviewing Foodfight.", compassionated Pyrrha, with Nora embracing her, as the two sisters sigh and were dazed.

Nora asks, "You know what's even better? Spending time with you, Pyrrha.", confirming the two are in love. "You're adorable..."

"Oh, I just wanna kiss you now!", cuddled Pyrrha, as she does with Nora.

But in the midst of the two JNPR members' romance, Ruby and Yang were shocked and dazed, that they walked out of the library, and went back to their dorm room where Blake and Weiss are, which led to what happened in the start of this second story.

After all, Ruby and Yang did get over it with the help from Blake and Weiss.

 **End of Ruby and Yang's Commentary of Foodfight!**

 **Next up: RWBY's Commentary of Devil**


	6. Devil (Pt 1)

**In this third non-canon story, team RWBY had been at the Halloween-Con for Halloween, and the day after, they were leaving, but unfortunately on the way down to the lobby in the elevator with Cinder, Salem and Raven, the elevator malfunctions as they have to watch and review on the horror movie M. Night Shyamalan-written story Devil until the elevator works again. However, a strange mystery is dealt to be solved during the review, and at the end of this story, a big surprise awaits the team RWBY at the lobby. (I root for the holy side honestly. Always love the holy side. :))**

 **LAS VEGAS HALLOWEEN-CON (NOVEMBER 1)**

On the last day of their Halloween-Con at Las Vegas, team RWBY (Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss), have already left their room with their luggage at the first floor of the luxurious hotel, and Ruby pressed the button of the elevator, the four team members of RWBY going in the elevator.

Inside the elevator were Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Cinder, Raven (with her Grimm-like mask she's holding) and last but not least, Salem.

"This seems like a colorful group of characters to randomly be on an elevator with.", said Ruby.

Yang answers, "Of course. Not all the colors of the rainbow though, but some colors, yes."

"Not to mention, it was great for the Halloween-Con. We got a lot of candy, a lot of people to meet and greet, and best of all, spending time together-", Blake and Weiss mentioned.

The lights turn off in the elevator.

Salem sighs in the darkness, "Oh, great.", before the lights turn back on, the seven wondering what is going on.

 _"Hello, your elevator seems to be stuck, so your folks sit tight and we'll have you out soon."_ , the male intercom voice says.

Cinder complained, "Well, great. Now what do we do?"

"Anybody got any stories?", Ruby asks.

Cinder was about to say, "Well, actually...I-"

"How about you, mom?", Yang asks.

Raven answers, "Oh, I heard of a story."

"You heard of it?", Salem asks, serious and not excited, yet interested though.

Raven answers her, "In my spare time, I read stories and some books too. Well, it's about a bunch of people stuck in an elevator."

"Oh, we love it already.", Blake and Weiss sarcastically says, with Cinder, Ruby, Yang and Salem groaning a bit.

Raven continued the story she heard, "But one of them, is a _killer_. And so, the power is faulty, so every time the lights go out, the killer _strikes_!", as RWBY, Salem and Cinder listen to this. "So basically, the race is on to rescue a whole bunch of claustrophobic people trapped inside the elevator, before the lights go out again and the killer picks them off! One. By. One.", the other girls getting it.

"Yeah?", Cinder goes along with it.

Raven replies, "And the twist is..."

"Okay, that's really dumb with why stories like that have plot twists or twist endings, like the films that Shyamalan directed, yet you had this ingenious idea for a setup.", Ruby, Blake and Weiss interrupted.

Salem explained, "Building suspense and drama..."

"...downright Hitchcockian!", Cinder comments to Raven.

Yang tells her mom Raven, "And mom, you fuck it up by throwing in a twist so shocking for no reason!"

"But people may love plot twists...", supposed Raven.

Cinder talks back, "It doesn't matter if people love plot twists, it ruins the story!"

 _"And besides, it doesn't matter. They already did something like that story you just said in that strange movie, Devil. While M. Night Shyamalan only worked on the story, it has his fingerprints all over it. It's got the hokey acting, the hokey writing, the hokey twist, it's got every hokey thing but the hokey pokey."_ , said the intercom.

Salem comments about this smugly, "But to his credit, he does represent this very well."

"Oh, really? A guy who couldn't represent a Nickelodeon cartoon represents the most demonic force on Earth?", sarcastically replied Ruby to Salem, with Yang, Blake, Weiss and Raven agreeing, Cinder glaring at her.

The intercom then said, _"Oh, I have an idea! While we're working on breaking you out, why don't I play the movie to keep you all entertained?"_

"NOOOOOOO!", screamed team RWBY and Raven, Salem and Cinder thinks of this being thoughtful.

 _"Uh, I'm sorry, you cut out there, could you say that again?"_

"NOOOOO!", the four RWBY members and Yang's mother Raven screamed again.

 _"Still didn't get it. Tell you what, go ahead and watch the movie until we can figure out a way to get you out."_

Raven becomes devastated, Blake and Weiss sobbed, and Ruby and Yang look exasperated, while Salem and Cinder look content at this.

"We guess this is Devil!", Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss sourly introduced their review with Salem, Raven and Cinder.

Salem commented, grinning, "It's really not that bad."

 **RWBY's Commentary on Devil (Part 1)**

"Anyway, so our film begins with a logo that reads The Night Chronicles and then the number one...?", Ruby summarized the beginning logo of The Night Chronicles.

Raven says, "Oh, yeah! I head of this. This is the first of series of films that Shyamalan was supposed to work on."

"Well, why aren't there more?", Salem asked.

Raven hesitates by giving a glaring look at Salem, who she then said, "Because the first one is called Devil."

"Oh...", Salem, Cinder, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss get the point.

Yang nevertheless continued, "And because Shyamalan can never start a movie without important looking text, he's some important looking text.", as the next part of the opening says a text monologue on the screen, Blake reading;

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the Devil walks about like a raging lion, seeming whom he may devour.", read Blake.

Weiss answers for his girlfriend, "Ah, now this is especially essential. Without it, we don't even think we could draw out the conclusion THAT THE DEVIL IS BAD."

"Really?! All these days, and that's never come across?!", argued and sighed Salem. "I need to recruit more Republicans."

Ruby continued, "And just listen to how the music tries to scare you into what I guess is supposed to be a big reveal.", the next part of the opening having scary music and the city of New York upside down. "OH MY GOD, EVERYTHING'S UPSIDE-DOWN! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!", she screamed.

 **Devil**

Yang says about this upside-down effect, "Oh, the possibilities this suggests! Like, maybe the projectionist passed out when he loaded the film reels!"

"We start with an opening narration from a security guard, once again reassuring us rightfully that the Devil sucks.", said Blake, the next part of the opening showing a janitor, and behind him a person suddenly fell onto the top of the truck, who the person had fell many stories high. and the janitor doesn't notice due to wearing earmuffs. "And so went the financier of The Last Airbender movie."

"We then cut to Detective Bowden, having a cup of coffee with his AA sponsor.", Weiss comments as the next scene shows two men at a bar, one being the detective, before a moment later in that part of the movie, she supposed, "Oh god, are we in another Stephen King story? I mean, the lead is a recovering drunk who will partake in a lame supernatural resolution, it is pretty damn similar!"

Ruby says in the next scene with the detective and another man investigating the site with the man who fell on the truck, "But they discover the truck that the man cannon-balled into earlier and try to figure out what happened.", before saying after a few moments of the investigation in the movie, "Well, thank God nobody on a busy street reported a bread truck with a dead guy embedded in it like Wile E. Coyote with a driver who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth rolling backwards into oncoming traffic bouncing off cement blocks into a parking lot of somebody's store. Maybe they just thought it was the "bread-truck-with-a-dead-guy-embedded-in-it-like-Wile-E-Coyote-with-a-driver-who-seems-to-have-disappeared-off-the-face-of-the-earth-rolling-backwards-into-oncoming-traffic-bouncing-off-cement-blocks-into-a-parking-lot-of-somebody's-store _man_."

"That's good to know.", Raven points out.

Yang nods, "Thanks, mom.", the next scene showing one of the five important characters of the movie talking and is told to go in the elevator. "And we do mean, the elevator.", four of the main characters going in the elevator, and before it closed, someone stops the elevator door closing and joins in the elevator.

"So let's do a checklist of our cliched characters.", Blake and Weiss sort. "Awkward asshole named Vince, check. Crabby old lady named Jane, check. Tough black guy named Ben, check. Generic good-looking woman with little to no personality named Sarah, check. Generic good-looking man with little to no personality named Tony, check. I believe that's all of those people-"

Cinder included in the last moment, "All that's missing is the evil entity and the spiritually sensitive hispanic person!", the seven seeing a small clip of the hispanic security guard, before she, team RWBY, Raven and Salem all cheered for this correction. "Now we can get this party started!", she fistpumps, before twirling back in her position beside Raven, and accidentally hitting her on the face, who had quickly put on her Grimm-like mask to lessen the pain and prevent the hit at the time, and the next scene shows the elevator suddenly stopping.

"Alright everyone, stay calm. It's probably just the devil.", Ruby commented in this part, the security guards watching the footage, a full house with two queens (women) and three jacks (men), which confuses the seven girls watching this.

Raven questions, "Two women queens, three men jacks...who says that? Is this like poker? Now, I've had enough poker in Las Vegas for this holiday."

"Yeah, mom. We're guessing either lightning struck it, a person jumped, or it spontaneously exploded onto the street. Either way, we don't think it's worth calling the police over.", Yang said, replying to Raven at the beginning and guessing, the girls watching the scene when glass falls towards the ground, the detective saving his friend as the glass shattered. "Oh, hey! Is that the police down there? Don't worry, not needed."

Blake summarizes next, "The speakers are busted, so only the security team can talk to them and not they to the security team. This give obvious jackass Vince, plenty of time to be an obvious jackass.", the scene showing Vince saying to the other people in the elevator like a jerk. "Hey, come on, you try to make dialogue in a Shyamalan film sound natural!"

"Things don't help when we find out our security temp is claustrophobic, the maintenance guy can't fix the problem, and Awkward Mcjerkoff still thinks he needs to convince us that he can play a good asshole.", Weiss synopsized, the next part of the scene shows Vince giving Jane a card for Mattress Mania for after they would live after the elevator problem. "I also go door to door selling cars, life insurance, and any religion you're not a part of. Have I mentioned I'm the obnoxious guy?", the heiress then mocked Vince in the movie.

Ruby also supports Weiss and adds by mocking Vince in the movie, "I've also learned how to be as charming as a cactus on your gallbladder. With that said, might my humbleness interest you in a mattress? ...I'm the obnoxious guy!", before suddenly in that scene, the lights start flickering. "The lights start to flicker, until it's totally dark. When they come back on, we see someone has bit off more than they could chew.", described Yang, the lights turning back on in the movie to show a big bite on the woman's side.

"So, wait, the Devil BITES people?", Yang, Blake and Weiss ask, as Ruby, the three other team members, Raven and Cinder turn to Salem, who they were suspicious on the goddess.

Salem answered politely, "I suppose it was an awkward phase.", not intrigued toward the suspicious women. "Sometimes in my spare time, I try less seducing the lost and wretched, and...just try...biting them...once in a while. Rarely because of sexual needs."

"I know I entrusted you, Salem, but you have issues sometimes.", Cinder said.

The goddess Salem argued about her evil personality, "Well, I'M SOMETIMES INSIDIOUS LIKE THE DEVIL.", as RWBY rolled their eyes virtuously at this excuse.

"Oh, I think we get it. Maybe instead of the Devil being the traditional Devil we always think of, maybe it was always the Tazmanian Devil the whole time.", Ruby thought, causing herself, Yang, Blake and Weiss to laugh very hard, the next scene showing the security guards calling the police when seeing the footage.

Yang finished laughing, "So, they only NOW call the cops, strange seeing how they know someone jumped from the building so you'd assume that they'll be there already, and decide to check out the scene.", as the next scene shows the detective showing the person with him the building 333.

"Why is it 333 instead of the more obvious...you-know-what?", Blake said, the girls getting it and shuddering at the thought. "Well, seeing how Shyamalan only did the story, maybe it just counts for half the evil! Because no Shyamalan equals half the evil."

Weiss then says, "So, while they wait for the cops, our Hispanic guard thinks he saw something in the video footage.", as the next part of this scene shows the security guard Ramirez seeing something wrong in the footage, before it showed an evil face.

"Wait, so the Devil shows off head shots in security cameras?", Ruby asks, before, again, she, her friends Yang, Blake and Weiss, Raven and Cinder turn to Salem again suspiciously for an answer.

Salem excused in an annoyed and serious manner, "It's not uncommon! ...I don't have a profile, but I'm thinking of making pictures of myself during my past vacations, which would be a little awkwardly funny to use in the Paranormal Activity movies."

"O-kay...", Yang slowly said unsurely with her friends to Salem's mention, Raven and Cinder. "The lights go off again, only this time a mirror breaks, and one of the shards flies into Mr. Asshat, aka, Vince. Eh, to be fair, he is going out like his performance, a pain in the fucking neck!", she described the next scene afterwards.

Blake continued, "So, of course, there's only one explanation for all of this.", before watching the part when Ramirez supposed that one of the four remaining people is the Devil.

"Really? Just like that? Devil? We're not leaving open for more plausible options like the Great Pumpkin or the Spaghetti Monster?", asked Weiss sarcastically to this scene, in which Ramirez the security guard has called it The Devil's Meeting.

Ruby continued nonetheless, "But that's nothing, what proof does he have that the devil is near? Oho, turn up the volume for this one. Maximize the frame, draw your attention to the screen.", before she pulls herself, her sister Yang, her friends Blake and Weiss, Salem, Raven and Cinder closer to the screen a bit to examine the scene, saying to her friends, "No, get close, get close, really get close, this has to be seen and heard with the upmost clarity to be believed. Okay, movie. What's your proof?"

The movie then showed the scene when Ramirez has a piece of toast with jelly on it, tossed it in the air to test it, and lands...

Jelly. Side. Down.

"Yes. You just saw that.", Ruby and Yang said, which caused Blake, Weiss and Raven to groan, Cinder looked disgusted and unimpressed, and Salem bemused, who all resigned.

Blake explained, "The absolute proof to show that the Devil is near is taking a piece of toast, putting jelly on it, throwing it up in the air, and seeing if it lands jelly side down."

"...With all do respect. Writers, creators, makers of this movie...did you drink as a fetus?", asked Weissl, with Ruby, Yang, Blake, Salem, Raven and Cinder not impressed to the Jelly side down part of the movie.

Ruby agreed, "We don't know how you would accomplish that, but it's the only way we can comprehend writing this spectacularly stupid! Jelly side down, equals Devil. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a tested method? One that's really valuable? Is this the method the Vatican uses? Do religious leaders all come together to test the Devil's arrival with pastry goods? I can't imagine what our team RWBY and JNPR would react to that if we're religious..."

* * *

In Ruby's imagination, we see Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss dressed as priestess nuns, with the team JNPR members Jaune, Nora, Pyrrha and Ren dressed as priests and nuns too, Ruby and Yang saying, "So, in conclusion to our weekly kitchen of demonic testing research, we have discovered that the cream in the coffee has swirled in the right direction, the chocolate icing on the donut was equally distributed, and the mustard in the ham sandwich on rye did not drip all the way to the floor. All that remains of course, is our beloved toast test.", she and Yang chuckled, the two sisters holding a piece of toast.

"And seeing how we've been doing this for 180 years and not once has it ever landed on the wrong side, we think we can all get ready to go while we perform this last one.", Blake and Weiss finish what Ruby and Yang were saying.

When Ruby and Yang then dropped the piece of toast much to the delight of Blake, Weiss and the team JNPR members watching, however, their luck changes.

It lands on the wrong side.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss' expressions turned from happy to scared in shock, Pyrrha, Nora, Jaune and Ren looking what happened at the toast landed on the wrong side. The four other members look at team RWBY, the four girls looking up at their friends, blurting;

" **Jelly side down!** "

Pyrrha, Nora, Jaune and Ren immediately started panicking due to this, the two nun-dressed girls screaming and running while the two priest-dressed boys used cross symbols, team RWBY yelling out, " **JELLY SIDE DOWN!** ", before Jaune and Ren were punching each other in a panic while Pyrrha and Nora were humping and making love to each other in fright as they screamed.

The priestesses Ruby and Yang kissed their rosaries to stay holy while Blake and Weiss kissed each other in an emergency, the four yelling, "JELLY SIDE DOWN!", the four doing the same thing before Blake and Weiss top, panicking again, "JELLY SIDE DOWN!", we then see Pyrrha and Nora screaming while embracing and punching each other and Jaune and Ren still fighting each other, the four team RWBY members screaming in agony...

* * *

"Ruby...? Ruby...? Ruby!"

Ruby snaps out of her imagination, still in the stuck elevator with her sister Yang who was said this, Blake, Weiss, Salem, Raven and Cinder.

"Oh. Sorry. Just thinking about that jelly side down thing.", Ruby apologizes.

Yang nods and thanked, "That's okay. You're welcome."

"So as we were saying, the jelly side down, fucking ridiculous.", said Ruby.

Salem pointed out, grinning, "Actually, to be fair, the jelly side down isn't a bad one. It's just an ancient myth."

"Ah, bullcrap! Raven, do you have a piece of toast with jelly on it?", Cinder took this as an insult.

Raven answers, "Well, I was gonna eat this for my breakfast on the way down with jelly on it, so you can use it.", pulling out and giving Cinder the piece of toast with jelly on it that she kept for breakfast.

Cinder uses her pyrokinetic powers to toast it a bit more, before when Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Salem and Raven watch her drop it...

...it falls and suddenly screeches like a tire, slowing down to a halt in mid-air, which surprises the seven girls...

...flipping the piece of toast with jelly on it, landing on the ground, jelly side down.

"Seriously, Cinder?", Ruby sarcastically glares with the other women to Cinder.

Cinder sighs angrily, "Best out of three. Well, that's just fucking-"

The lights turn off.

"Oh, now what?", Ruby says in the darkness.

The lights turn back on, before Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Raven and Salem gasp in shock to see Cinder's dress and heels were the only remains on where she stood, as team RWBY and Raven then turn over to Salem, glaring at the goddess suspiciously.

Salem excused, "Oh, sure, just because I'm like the Devil, everyone assumes I did it. How do I know either of you did it? RWBY, you hate enemies like me and Cinder."

"Yeah, but we didn't have the urge to kill Cinder. Except if she was attacking us.", Ruby said.

Yang, Blake and Weiss says, "We agree with our friend here too."

"And Raven, you raid villages and fight enemies and Grimm just for fun. You could be just as guilty.", Salem evidences.

Raven told, "But me and my tribe only kill enemies and Grimm on Thursdays."

"Face it, girls, everyone is this elevator is a suspect...", RWBY nervously said, a dramatic sting heard.

The intercom suddenly asks, _"Hey, are people killing one another in there?"_

"Uh, no?", Yang, Blake and Weiss asked.

The intercom answers, _"Stop that."_

"Looks like the mystery is on our hands...", Ruby thought, the others look exasperated.

 **To be continued...**


	7. Devil (Pt 2)

**RWBY's Commentary on Devil (Part 2)**

Ruby in the second part of the review asks her three friends, as well as Salem and Raven, "Okay, okay. What do you girls say we just finish the review without any more disappearances?", relating to Cinder's disappearance from the first part of the Devil review.

"Okay.", said the others.

Yang continues for her sister Ruby, "So the detective goes up to the broken window to see if the jumper and the killer in the elevator have any connection.", the next scene having to do with the elevator people discovering the suicide note.

"Oh, yeah! Just like that totally crazy one I read last week that said _Duck duck orange juice Robert Downey Jr._ or the totally rational one I came across the other week that listed the scientfic and mathematical equations about why the suicide happened. Mixing the two? NEVER happens!", Blake said, the next scene showing the lights flickering again and turning off, much to Ben's fear.

Weiss continued, "Back on Lord of the Floors, we see the lights go out again causing more mayhem.", before the scene shows a quick shot of the Devil, which looks mummified.

"Ugh, so...the Devil looks like a TP-ed version of Jack Skellington?", Ruby thought, before she, Yang, Blake, Weiss and Raven turn to Salem again.

Salem says, "It may scare kids at birthday parties.", before the six girls shudder and were disturbed at the thought.

"And when the lights go out, it looks like that Jane didn't want to hang around anymore.", Ruby continued, the scene then showing Jane hanged on a cable, scaring the three remaining survivors. "Well, I'll tell ya, those bowels are gonna be evacuating anytime and I'm not gonna want to be in this elevator then!"

Yang then said, "So one of the guards goes to see if he can fix the wire, the other two cops go searching for more information on who the killer could be leaving, WHO to look after the elevator?"

"That's right, crazy toast man, of course! Oh yeah, that's a smart idea, put the guy you declared was insane in charge of a box of people going insane and killing one another! It's like putting the Human Torch in charge of keeping fifty bags of popcorn kernels from popping! YOU KNOW SOMETHING'S GONNA BLOW! But come on, in this time of raging emotions and uneasy nerves, surely he won't do ANYTHING to make it worse.", said Blake and Weiss arguably, the scene showing Ramirez attempting to calm the people in the elevator down.

Ruby then says, "Oh, that's just fucking great, asshole, that would totally calm them down! Why don't you just pop in the CD playing _Let the Bodies Hit the Floor_ while you're at it?"

"Oh, you girls don't know that, maybe someone praying for their immortal souls will make them feel better-", Raven guessed, before she, RWBY and Salem see Ben fighting Tony. "Oh. Maybe not."

Yang continues, "Bowden would be like, 'Oh Christ, why haven't they fired you yet?', and whoever the killer is, really think about what you have done!", as this scene shows the security team calming the three survivors down, told to put their hands on the walls so nothing bad happens.

"So, who do we turn to finally make sense of all of this? Pff, crazy toast man, of course!", Blake guesses.

Weiss chatted, "Also Blake, I believe the detective would be like, _"Well, let's wrap up here, men! El Loco Diablo here says there's nothing we can do!",_ and the cop be like, _"But sir, what evidence do you have of that?"_ , Bowden would say, _"The toast landed jelly side down!"_ , the cop would ask, _"Jelly side down?"_ , and they'd both be screaming! Funny, right?"

"Yes, my girlfriend. Yes.", Blake agrees.

Ruby also reasoned about this part, "So the reason Crazy Toast Man thinks they're all gonna die is that after doing more research it turns out all of them have a criminal past. So the Devil, obviously, instead of killing them in a unsuspicious, quiet and not camera-recorded way, decides to draw out the taking out these random five people as slowly as fucking possible!"

"And turn.", Salem thought, team RWBY and Raven looking at her suspicious again.

Ruby suspects, "The Devil took an entire day and all this effort just to take down FIVE people you could have taken down in a millisecond?!"

"It's just showing how secret and subtle he is like I am.", excused Salem.

Ruby accused, "Well, you're about as secret and subtle as The Matrix! Anyone not clinically braindead would be able to tell something was up! And are there really FIVE people in the entire world going to Hell today? Really?! FUCKING FIVE? My god, their crimes range from bank fraud to pickpocketing! Nobody else in the entire world has done anything worse than this?!"

"Look, stop asking about the Devil, I just need a peaceful and stupid day, okay? You know how some seasonal or annual events have bring your son or daughter to work day, or free movie day? **I** have stupid days, where I pick one day and don't do anything that makes sense whatsoever!", explained Salem angrily, infamous scenes in the movie like the security camera devilish face, the TP-ed Jack Skellington devil, the jelly side down method, and the big bite, were shown.

Raven mumbles, "You're really bad at this."

"SHUT UP.", shouts Salem, her eyes glowing red with her black-pooled eyes and red pupils.

Yang's mother says under her voice, "I raided villages with my tribe more dangerous than her.", causing Salem to glare at her.

"That's enough, mom. So since the maintenance guy got axed off as well, because you know, a building this big would have only one maintenance guy, one of the guards goes to see if he can fix the elevator.", describes Yang nonetheless about the next part, where the guard looks to see a broken wire on a pool of water near the power circuit.

Blake comments, "Okay, why is it in all the important wires and buttons that make everything work are always put in rooms that have no fucking lights? Don't you wanna SEE what you're doing when you're fiddling with this incredibly important stuff? But hey, what does this button do?", before the scene shows the guard accidentally turning off the building's power. "Whoops. So, to continue, he sees one of the wires is cut, caught in a puddle of water, and rather than going to the firefighters we clearly established have been here for some time, he tries to fix them up himself! Well. This looks promising. I think.", as the next part of the scene shows the guard about to step in the puddle of water, before the next shot shows the firefighters trying to cut through the wall of the elevator shaft, the guard appears, who has been electrified.

"This comes to an especially tough blow when they realize the husband of the woman in the elevator might own the security team of the building meaning that Ben might be the killer.", Weiss summarizes, the next scene a tense moment in the elevator as the lights were flickering. "Now of course this could have been an ingenious idea in keeping the audience guessing and on our toes, except for one simple fact that kind of leaves us to the conclusion that's probably not him-"

Ruby argued toward the movie, " **YOU CALLED YOUR MOVIE DEVIL!** You're constantly giving away that the killer is the devil! How did you think you're gonna fool us with this?! It's like The Wolfman trying to trick us that the killer in the movie is fucking Dracula! We KIND of know going in, guys!", before the next part of the tense scene with the lights turned off, turning back on to show that Ben has his neck twisted and killed.

"Oh, you mean he WASN'T the killer? This movie is keeping us guessing! So only two remain, each one thinking that the other is the killer.", Yang asks and guessed, before the next part shows Tony and Sarah defending themselves from each other with a piece of broken glass, with Ramirez trying to calm them through the intercom.

Blake and Weiss groans, "Ugh, **WOULD YOU SHUT UP** , CRAZY TOAST MAN?", watching this scene with Ruby, Yang, Raven and Salem.

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF REMNANT, WOULD YOU STOP GIVING HIM ATTENTION!", Raven shouted out towards the movie.

Salem grins again, "Oh, come on. He's a good press agent."

"Yeah, for the DUMBEST and most INCONSISTENT DEVIL EVER.", Ruby name-called and said.

Salem frowns in anger, threatening, "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say we've seen and played games of RISK and REMNANT with faster and master strategies than yours!", Ruby unfazed, glaring towards Salem.

The goddess responds, "Oh, yeah?! Well, I'm still alive in this death machine!"

"Oh, you wanna go?!", Ruby threats to attack.

Salem yells, "TRY ME!"

Ruby and Salem both yell in anger as they were about to strike a punch to the other, as Yang, Blake and Weiss gasp in shock to this suspenseful moment-

The lights go out again.

"Ow!"

The lights turn on again.

It shows that Ruby's fist has hit the elevator wall, hurting her hand before she, Yang, Blake, Weiss and Raven look to see that as they all gasp in shock, Salem's robe is what was left on the elevator floor on where she stood, with Cinder's dress and heels still there on the other side of the elevator!

Team RWBY and Raven hugged altogether in fright, before the team members realize they're hugging Raven as the five scream shortly in terror.

Shortly, Raven puts her Grimm-like mask back on and pulls out her red sword from her sheath, threatening to stab Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss with it!

"Stand back! Don't let me cut you like a bloody Ursa!", Raven threats.

Ruby pulls out her Crescent Rose scythe while Yang readies her Ember Cecilia fist weapons, Blake pulls out her Gambol Shroud sword and whip, and lastly Weiss pulls out her Myrtenaster sword, threatening towards Raven as well, the former leader saying, "Game's up, Raven, we all know it was you!"

"I swear I'll spill all your sweet blood all over the elevator floor!", Raven threats.

Yang argues, "You're not fooling anybody, mom! Although, all you might did was kill Salem..."

"Don't make me stab you with holes, darlings!", threats Raven, especially to her daughter Yang.

Blake and Weiss sort out, "Okay, okay, look...maybe the answers...are in the rest of the movie. Perhaps we should watch the rest of it."

"Right. Maybe we can find out what's going on. We're gonna put down our weapons...and you put down your red sword...", Ruby agrees and calms Raven, as RWBY then put their weapons away, while Raven puts her red sword back in her sheath. "Okay. Let's all see what happens...", the leader of RWBY says.

Raven was about to get her red sword again, but Ruby and Yang slaps her hand in order for her to not get her sword.

This is it.

The mystery is about to be solved in the coming conclusion of this Devil review.

 **To be concluded...**


	8. Devil (Pt 3)

**N/A: This third storyline's surprise breaks the fourth wall a bit. ;)**

 **RWBY's Commentary on Devil (Part 3 - Final)**

Ruby then began the third part of the Devil review, "So to calm the two down, the cop tells them a story about how he almost lost himself to alcohol, after his family died in a hit and run, and that they have a choice of doing the right thing and that works great!", the scene showing Sarah and Tony putting the shards of glass down, before the lights turn off. "...For about two seconds.", before the scene shows the lights turning on, Sarah killed with a shard of glass in her neck! "So, just when it looked like it's revealed who the killer is, get a load of this."

Then as Tony tries to save Sarah, someone creeps behind him, which is the old lady Jane possessed by the Devil.

"OH, COME ON!", team RWBY and Raven reacted to this scene, the team and Raven picking their weapons up and threatening to attack, the latter giving a glaring a 'I'm watching you' gesture.

Yang then commented, "So the old lady is the devil? How is that a good twist?! We were never made privy to the idea that this was possible! In the Sixth Sense, there were clues in the scenario that made it clear the twist could happen in this setup! Here, they're just making up the rules as they go! And I know what you're thinking: _'Oh well, you didn't predict it so it must be a good twist.'_ Well, we wouldn't be able to predict if they all turned into snowmen, but that doesn't mean it's good. It would be more entertaining than this, but it definitely wouldn't be good!", the scene showing Jane/Devil talking to Tony.

"Why the hell is she giving him a talking to when she clearly never did it with any of the other victims? Is the devil all the time really just your angry mother trying to bail you out?", asks Blake about this part. "Ehh, maybe it's just a random contrived way to give this guy a chance to redeem himself? Ta-da.", she says, the next part of the scene showing Tony get a walkie talkie and confesses that he accidentally killed a mother and son five years earlier.

Weiss reviews this next twist in this scene, "He of course confesses to the cop, what else? That HE was the guy who committed the hit and run that killed the cop's family! What an unbelievable coincidence!", before the next part of the climax continues with Jane/Devil angrily asking if Tony thinks he can be forgiven after the accidental hit and run he had commited, the latter saying no and nodding in a bit of fear and regret.

"Well, wouldn't you know it? Confessing his crime gets him a Get Out of Hell Free card, and the Devil lets him go leaving God knows how much surveillance footage, fingerprints, and testimonials that the Devil is the worst kept demonic secret the world has ever known!", Ruby says while watching this scene.

Yang agrees, "We agree! The Devil would be like when she leaves, _'Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go make What Does the Fox Say? a big hit.'_ ", the next part of the climax showing the elevator working again, Detective Bowden finding Tony and the other three dead survivors, but Jane, who vanished. "And also, Detective Bowden be like, _'Find her! Find Judge Judy! Check every hair and dye salon in town!'_ "

"And of course, in the world of rushed whatever endings, the cop finds it in his heart to quite instantly forgive the survivor.", Blake continues, the next scene of the ending shows Detective Bowden talking to Tony in the car about the accident, which the former has acceptingly forgives him.

Weiss adds, "Detective Bowden, again, would be like saying, _'You see, my wife just before she died told me to swing away like the Signs movie, which prevented an alien attack, so I guess it kinda even things out.'_ "

"And sure enough, the city is no longer upside-down, but instead right side up.", concluded Ruby at last. "Ahh, that was Devil. We're done reviewing it!"

Yang chuckles with Blake and Weiss, Ruby's sister saying, "Well, at least we all got through this movie together, right, mom?", asking her mom Raven, but she wasn't beside the four girls. "Mom?", she asks, before she, Ruby, Blake and Weiss gasp and scream as they saw that for the third time, only Raven's boots and her Grimm-like mask were what's left on where Raven was standing!

"AAH! Oh my god, what does this mean? Was she the devil? Is one of us four the devil? Was the elevator the devil? What? WHAT!?", panics Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss.

But all of a sudden, they stop talking as the four heard a sinister and insane laugh behind them, the girls screaming as they pulled out their weapons at this person.

Tyrian Callows.

"Oh my god, Tyrian is the Devil!", Ruby and Yang shocked with Blake and Weiss, the four threatening to use their weapons at him.

Tyrian says, "I'm not the Devil, you idiots! I was the one who spoke to you through the intercom, and I was behind all the elevator madness and making you watch the movie Devil! But I only did the disappearing acts and the flickering darkness, but not getting the elevator stuck!"

"Goddamn it, even the reveal of yourself is a lame twist! Where's the clues? Where's the deductive reasoning?", Blake and Weiss criticized. "Crazy Toast Guy should've been the devil!"

The crazy man answers, "Actually, that sounds a little interesting."

"He knows how the Devil works, he can do it all without getting caught, there's not a ton of video footage of him prancing around like a paparazzi whore-", Ruby and Yang explained.

Tyrian psychotically interrupts, "Enough! Stop this nonsense. Now that I've got you girls right into my trap... Prepare to die!", before he maniacally cackles as he prepares to sting them with his scorpion-like Faunus tail, the four girls closing their eyes for the inevitable while about to strike him with their weapons in an attempt...

But once more, the lights go off, two voices heard in the darkness.

"TYRIAN!"

"Huh? What the he-? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-"

Only a small flash of light was seen in the darkness, and when the lights turn on, the four girls open their eyes as they were surprised.

Salem, Raven and Cinder had returned, with the stuff that was left on the elevator floor worn to their respective selves again!

"Hello there, RWBY. Did you miss us?", Raven says.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss stutter, "But, how did you? We saw you-"

"We've only disappeared for about a few minutes. We appeared up in the elevator surveillance system room for a few minutes.", Cinder said.

Salem reasoned, "We were waiting for Tyrian to appear and threaten you guys. That insane member of my faction really gets on both my and Cinder's nerves, so I sent him back to my castle. He is going to be in a LOT of trouble once I get back with Cinder."

Ruby was helped get up by Salem, with Yang getting helped up by her mother Raven and Blake and Weiss helped get up by Cinder.

"You saved our lives. Why would you, Salem?", the leader of team RWBY asks.

Salem explains in a serious tone, "Okay, there are three reasons. One, I hate you girls as much as Cinder does. Two, I just wanna get out of this elevator so I can continue my evil duties. And three, I actually mostly hate Tyrian. He is a disgrace and a disappointment to me."

"Oh, good, that explains a lot. So the Devil don't really don't really do any of that stuff in the movie, does he?", Ruby and Yang answer.

Raven and Salem both answer, "No. That would be unbelievably stupid."

"Thank God we agree, because this movie makes no sense!", Blake and Weiss answer back.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss then do the conclusion on their review of Devil, "If it was just a thriller about people stuck in an elevator, it would have had a better chance. Most of the actors are pretty decent. Most of them. And it has a fair grasp of good pacing and cinematography. But when you throw in lame dialogue with lame story elements, and, of course, a lame supernatural element that weakens the suspense more than it heightens it, you get a clumsy, unfinished mess! And it's definitely one that we're glad to be done with."

The elevator then makes a beeping airplane-like sound, signing that the elevator has worked again.

"Good. It's working again.", Salem grins.

Cinder, Ruby and Yang asks, "How did you know?"

"Whenever there's a beeping sound like that, it has worked again.", explains the goddess.

Raven sighs, "Finally. Now we can go."

"This is it, guys. This has been a great Las Vegas Halloween-Con.", Ruby gave a speech to the other six, the elevator going down to the first floor. "We have conquered the review on Devil, and Salem had defeated Tyrian, but what matters now, we're all-", she says, as the elevator doors open, before the RWBY girls were startled as well as Cinder, Raven and Salem appalled to the next surprise in the hotel lobby.

" **SURPRISE!** ", team JNPR, Sun, Neptune, Mercury, Emerald, Ozpin, Glynda and the fans of the RWBY series shouted, holding a big **Happy Birthday, RWBY!** cake, along with Neo being there as well as guest stars from Red vs. Blue and Camp Camp, all cheering.

Salem answers a bit to Cinder, "Huh. That was a surprise."

"A birthday to our series! It's our four-year anniversary already!", Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss cried tears of joy and excited, the four as well as Salem, Raven and Cinder coming out of the elevator.

Pyrrha says, "Well, we've been thinking of giving you a Halloween-Con last surprise, and we almost forgot about our show's birthday a few months ago, so we made us a cake to surprise you girls with it for our show's four-year annversary and the release of Volume 5."

"Where have you been though?", Nora, Pyrrha's girlfriend asks, "We're you still in your room? We were waiting for around 20 minutes."

Blake and Weiss excused, "Oh, the elevator was stuck, but it worked again. We reviewed the Devil movie since it's the day after Halloween, and we're out from that bad excuse of a movie."

"Let's not waste anymore time. Me and Yang would like the first slices of cake, please!", Ruby said, cutting the first slice of the big birthday anniversary cake.

Salem nods, "I don't eat cake.", seriously.

"Well, I do. I feel proud of my daughter.", Raven smiled.

As Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss and the rest were having cake (but Salem, only the fact she doesn't eat cake but still celebrated a bit), the former concludes, "I'm Ruby, and my friends Yang, Blake an Weiss, we remember it so you don't have too! See you next time on the next review!"

Lastly, the girls were proud not only for their concluding birthday surprise, but they were finally free from the elevator stuck madness.

Free as a bird. Freed from the stuck elevator. Freed from the Devil movie.

Sweet freedom.

 **End of RWBY's Commentary on Devil**

 **A/N: Don't worry. It is only just the beginning, cause we're not done through reviewing movies yet! :)**

 **Next Up: RWBY's Commentary on Lady in the Water**


	9. Lady in the Water (Pt 1)

**In this fourth non-canon story, team RWBY watches and reviews on M. Night Shyamalan's movie Lady in the Water, which maybe the FUNNIEST Shyamalan movie they've ever seen, with some criticisms made about the movie along the way. There is no situation in this fourth story arc, so it's okay, having to do with RWBY's reactions and comments on this one.**

 **RWBY's Commentary on Lady in the Water (Part 1)**

 **HAVEN ACADEMY**

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss had already received the DVD of Lady in the Water in their dorm room, and had already considered of watching and reviewing on it.

Ruby holds out the DVD at the time she and her three friends sat on their commentary chairs and said, "Let's get this movie started!", excited with her other fellow RWBY members.

 **Lady in the Water**

Ruby comments, "While many see The Happening as Shyamalan's funniest So-Bad-It's-Good film, we challenge them to the absolute mad ratings of Lady in the Water. Sure, it's slow and doesn't have quite as many silly performances, but the story is so insane, so ego-stroking, so frigging bizarre that if a well-known filmmaker's name wasn't attached to it, you swear it was written on the walls of a mental institution!"

"There's so much to talk about, so let's not waste any time. Let's start off another review with my favorite bad Shyamalan movie of his, Lady in the Water.", started Yang.

Blake explains, "It starts off with a backwash- We mean, backstory of this seemingly simple fable.", the movie starting with the narrator about the ancient relationship between man and people in the water, which has a little nonsensual meanings into it, like how men didn't listen well. She says to the narrator in the movie, "You just said they did.", the next part of the narrator saying about man's need to own everything led into land, the world of man became violent and war upon war, there wasn't any guides.

"Well, if they're so good at guiding people, how did they let this happen to begin with?", corrected and asked Weiss, the next narration shows a handful of chosen ones sent, but there were laws to keep the chosen safe, but they were at great risk.

Ruby asks questioningly, "But, wait, if there's laws to keep them safe, why would there be a great risk? Well sometimes men take matters into their own hands, but that's not what they said, they said they were safe, but now they're at great risk, so they shouldn't be in any danger, should they?", before she sarcastically says, "Why don't they just end with how every _humanity sucks_ story ends saying how man has forgotten how to listen?", as the movie shows the next part of the opening as the narrator says the last five words but with had instead of has.

"Show us the way, movie. We know you have it even though in the first two minutes, you already have TONS AND TONS OF PROBLEMS, but we have faith in you.", Yang says faithfully with hope.

Blake synopsizes the next scene after the opening, "We then cut to Paul Giamatti.", the scene showing Paul's character talking about a strange creature. "...A creature is just something you can't identify...like the tone of this movie."

"A new tenant seems to be staying at The Cove, an apartment complex Giamatti works at, and he's a movie critic named Mr. Farber.", Weiss described, the four girls reacting in shock as they saw a girl's sexy ass in the movie during the scene where Paul's character shows Mr. Farber one of the girls in the movie, Young-Soon Choi, the heiress presumes, "Buenos di-ass...?"

Ruby continued, "Hell, if Shyamalan would be nice enough, maybe he'll cut to a shot that actually shows her face. Nope? Well, at least he held on a shot for a while. That automatically equals genius, you know. But not as genius as talking directly into the camera, another typical Shyamalan trope.", the scene showing one of the characters talking in front of the camera strangely.

"It's fascinating how greedy one can get with their artsiness. In most movies, these kind of shots are used sparingly, to establish mood. But with Shyamalan, he uses it like how the director of Battlefield Earth (that movie will be reviewed in the future) uses tilted shots. Weird angles sometimes, weird angles always! They're brilliant, they're brilliant, they're doing the brilliant dance!", Yang jokes to Ruby, Blake and Weiss, causing their friends to laugh.

Blake and Weiss finishes laughing with her other friends, "But who cares, it's time to figure out what stupid quirk this guy has! Because as always, any quirk, no matter how stupid, always equals a developed character.", before saying, "We believe the both of us are hungry, so we'll go get something to snack on with a drink to wash it down.", the two lovebirds leaving to go to the kitchen to get the snack. They added before they went, talking towards the camera, "Remember, it doesn't need to make sense, you just have to say that director has a style, and therefore it's good. That's the law.", going off.

"That's a well-composed shot there...", said Ruby, watching the next scene with Yang for this camera angle, "That looks effortlessly done, like there was no effort put into it whatsoever. It's almost as good as this other one of Giamatti ending his day and the camera slowly titling up to reveal...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"

"You know, _something_ visually interesting there might've been nice. Was even the moon like, _Aw hell no, I'm not being in this shit,_ obviously.", recommended Yang.

When Blake and Weiss came back with their snacks like chips, chocolate and cookies, the four suddenly saw the scene where something splashed in the pool, before Blake and Weiss could sit down as the two said, "Mermando? From Gravity Falls?", dropping their snacks without spilling anything, before the two girls grab the snacks and ate some a bit.

"No, but trust us, it was something just as equally ridiculous.", said Ruby, "He goes out to the pool to inspect, when...", before the next part in the movie shows something in the water. "...he was underwater? Now he's not. Now he's back underwater, now he's not. Now he's out of the water, he slips, he goes back in the water, tries to get out, says nah, and he's suddenly in his room."

"Well, that was as easy to follow as a moth in a snowstorm.", Yang mentions. "There does, however seems to be a wet naked woman in his room. Oh, not this again. Well, at least this one's alive.", she groans.

Blake comments after a portion of the scene with Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallas Howard's characters, sighs, "Is that like a _happening_? Because at some point of time later, we'll watch and review on it. Not soon, not later, but at some point. Why don't you just replace all your dialogue with do you feel an inginging? Because that alternative isn't interesting at all!", this part of the movie revealing Bryce's character's name is Story.

"Oh, yes, you heard that correctly- It's that kind of movie. She would be like, _I have two siblings, an older sister named Long Story, and a younger sister named Short Story. I have a very honest mother we named True Story, an aging father named Old Story, a dead grandfather named Ghost Story, and for some reason all of them remind me of my two pets Cock and Bull Story._ What we're trying to say is, that name is stupid.", Weiss said.

Ruby continued, "So he gives her a shirt, turning her into a cover story, and sleeps the night away holding her in his arms. Because this...really wasn't creepy enough yet...", before sighing romantically, "I do ship them however, since those two actors are billed in the poster, and the poster...looks kinda...bravely uncomfortable...and okay maybe?", before the four resume seeing this part, Story telling Paul's character that she's a narf.

"Ooh, didn't catch that? Yeah, you did. The name of her species is Narf. And not only that, they say this word all the time like it's a totally common name.", Yang complains, showing random scenes in the movie where characters said the species narf. "What, was Blaf already taken, or Pwonk? We would be like, _Look out, we have to save the Nyeh-nyeh-nyehs! They're on the run from the Carblonketyblonks!_ Bitch, are you for real?", she said after this.

Blake and Weiss anyway says, "He tries to carry her outside but sees a wolf waiting in the distance. I believe the wolf be like, _I serve the nothing...which apparently this film has an abundance of..._ We would be shocked if the wolf would serve in the White Fang."

All of a sudden, this scene shows Paul's character carrying Story, the two screaming for some reason, Weiss asking, "What-what? What's going on? Wh-", Story points her finger towards the pool whilst she screams in that scene.

" **AH-** ...POOL! POOL! POOL! POOL!", yelled team RWBY and joked to this scene, this short intense scene showing both characters screaming and running back to the house before the wolf catches them, the four girls jokingly screaming.

Ruby relieves from laughing, "Ahh, oh my god, how can you not burst out into laughter watching that scene? W-what can you even say about it? It looks like he's carrying an anorexic Julia Roberts to their honeymoon suite while she wants the pool to pull her finger just before Steroid Chia Pet eats them alive! What is this? I ju- What is this?!"

"So he decides to ask someone who would obviously know all about mythical creatures...Rufio!", Yang summarized the next scene with one supporting character and Paul's character. "I'm sure you've come across them from your adventures in Neverland."

Blake agrees during this scene, "Uh-huh, yeah. We wouldn't insult Eastern storytelling like that. I think the correct answer is _'Oh! That sounds like a word from the same idiot who came up with Cypher Raige!'_ Very common Eastern name."

"But her mother knows all about it, what are the odds, and she says the narf- Sorry, that's gonna take some getting used to- Has to meet the chosen one so that she can inspire him.", Weiss says about the next scene, where the mother explains about the giant eagle.

Ruby commented, "They, of course cut out the scene where she ate five pot brownies before saying this, but you get the idea.", continuing the story, "So Giamatti looks for this chosen one who Story says is a writer. Though, again, you could replace all the dialogue with What's your quirk?", showing several parts of the movie with people in the apartment saying their quirks.

"Heck, you can't do stoners right, that's not how a stoner screams, that's...one of the Rice Krispies elves watching another one die!", references Yang. "But no offence, though."

Blake continues, "Of course, Giamatti is so focused on finding a writer that he completely overlooks the person he's known for years that is a writer. But Story has been eavesdropping in his diary to learn about his past.", the next scene showing Story with Paul's character's book, telling him his story interestedly.

"Brilliant deduction here, Nancy Drew. Any other obvious dots you'd like to connect? She would say, _When I hit my head, that's when my head hurts. When my butt farts, that's when the air smells bad. When I run in my heels people will focus more on that rather than how dumb the rest of the movie is!_ Like Jurassic World, for example. Why don't you get suited up in your proper uniform?", says and explained Weiss.

Ruby answers to the heiress, "Okay, first one, good. Second, gross yet a bit funny. And the last one, nice reference to Jurassic World.", before resuming the review, "But Giamatti introduces the writer to her, and...take a wild guess who plays him.", the four watching the next part of the scene, where Paul's character introduces Story to another character writer, who is the director for this film, Shyamalan.

"That's right, the writer who really has lost his muse, Mr. M. Night Shyamalan.", surprises Yang. "Yeah, take a good look there, Shyamalan. That's the closest of the story you'll ever get.", some snippets of the film showing one with the critic, and the same scene with Shyamalan.

Blake then says, "So he's inspired to go write Devil, the last movie review we did earlier, as Giamatti tries to get Story back home but the grass hyena is still out there.", the next scene showing the grass hyena attacking as Paul's character and Story try to run up the stairs. "Giamatti would be like, _We're okay now, thank God he can't climb up the stairs._ Am I right, my lovely Weiss?"

"Right, Blake. So he tries to get more information from the Korean peacock, who seems totally fine interrupting her clubbing to talk fairy tales.", the next scene with Paul's character calling his friend, who explains more about this fantasy mystery and even mentions tartutics.

Ruby breaks into laughter, "Oh my God, scrunts, narfs, tartutics- These all sound like cartoon characters sneezing! Just look at Giamatti's face after hearing all this! He's like, _Well, I'm in a bomb._ As in box office and critical response bombs! This all reads like a drunk mother reading a half-assed bedtime story to her kid! Can't imagine that though.", before she, Yang, Blake and Weiss says after, "Time for a break. We gotta get our lunch so we can continue this.", before the four leave for lunchtime break.

 **To be continued...**


	10. Lady in the Water (Pt 2)

**RWBY's Commentary of Lady in the Water (Part 2 - Final)**

Ruby continues the review after she, Yang, Blake and Weiss returned from lunch, "So, fearing this story is one hundred percent like coke ravings, Korean Britney Spears brings back the dramatic tone. Just try to listen to this with any hint of seriousness.", the scene showing the woman explaining the narfs, causing team RWBY to laugh so hard.

"Okay, we're sure Shyamalan is hearing this really intense dramatic story, but to the rest of the world, all we can hear is...narf spoke by Pinky from Pinky and the Brain! We would give anything if the twist of the movie was that the entire time, it was Pinky and the Brain trying to take over the world! Literally, every single problem would be fixed if they just do that twist! It's a Warner Brothers movie, MAKE IT HAPPEN!", Yang suggested as a point.

Blake nods, then synopsizing, "Speaking of which, the master writer is told that his writing is going to change the world, and give inspiration, we shit you not here, to the future president.", the scene showing M. Night Shyamalan's character talking to Story. "But also, yeah, gets even better, his ideas will be so dangerous that someone will eventually take his life because of them. And yet, he still chooses to write the story. Sacrificing himself not only for his art, but for the world.", she spoke.

"...Wow. Is it windy on that egotistical high horse that you built for yourself? I mean, heck, you might even imagine seeing his boner growing with every praising word!", Weiss reacted, before covering her face in disgust by the imaginable thought. "That would be a messy story. Just don't think of that!"

Ruby comments despite that, "So Giamatti is told that by Rofio's mother will only tell the rest of the story if she can see him like a child. So...we can't even...just watch.", the scene showing Giamatti's character putting milk on his moustache when drinking it, laying down on the couch, acting like a innocent child as he smiles. RWBY when watching this scene has the same shocked expressions that they took at the time during their field trip, nodding while watching the scene.

"Okay, so...let's say this represents the world of sanity. And it represents the edge of sanity. And lastly represents the world of insanity... You would be on MARS, you are so frigging gone! Because we have no idea where the hell you are to come up with a scene this goddamn bonkers! We mean, what the hell is going on? Is this what you do with all your Oscar nominated actors? Make them look like they're jerking off sideways while peeing like a dog? That's not acting like a child, that's acting like three lobotomies were given to you in maple syrup!", Yang argues about this scene, her eyes changed from lilac to red. "WHAT ARE YOU?"

Blake calms Yang, "Okay, Yang, just calm down. There's nothing to get overreacted about.", as Yang relieves from her rage, thus Blake continues the review of the movie for the next scene, "So the _Narf_ can't say anything about her world for...reasons. But it's okay because she touches her ear to answer yes or no questions, as that doesn't count for...reasons. So there's a Symbolist, a Guardian, a Healer, and a Guild he's supposed to find in order to help her. And before you say anything, yes, this _simple bedtime story_ is as goddamn complicated as a freaking D&D game!", this scene with one of the characters asking Story a question about the Symbolist or Interp

"We don't know, let's roll the dice and find out!", Weiss answers the character in the scene, pulling out a couple dices and dropping them on the floor, she, Blake, Ruby and Yang watching the dice.

Ruby replies, "Lucky number seven. Ni-i-ice.", continuing the story, "So he goes to the crossword guy and his increasingly strange son.", the next scene showing Paul's character talking to Jeffrey Wright's father character and his young son, the latter sadly reminded about where he didn't pick him up at school as he looked at his Fruity Pebbles cereal box.

"...Are we in Wonderland?", asked Yang suspiciously in a daze as she reacts to this scene with Ruby, Blake and Weiss again, continuing on to the next scene with Paul's character and the group of people seeing Story in the shower, "Anyway, he finds the others as well and takes them to a naked cut up lady he's keeping in his shower. This raises no concerns.", the scene showing Jeffrey's character with the crossword to Paul's character about his statements.

Blake too responds to this moment in the movie, "Really? THAT'S weird? You're using a crossword puzzle to predict the future in front of a naked woman who's been kidnapped by the Sideways guy, and THAT'S FRIGGING WEIRD?!", the next scene snippet showing the critic in the movie and Paul's character outside at the pool conversating.

"The funny thing is, even by bedtime story standards, there's practically no action in any of this. We mean, did Shyamalan actually read this to his kids every night?", supported Weiss.

Ruby agreed, "Yeah, Weiss, we can tell. He would be like, _'And then they sat around the shower for a bit doing crosswords, as Mr. Heep tours the apartments for a fifth time to talk to even more people.'_ , and the kid would be like, _'Daddy, can you read us Snow White?'_ , and he would respond, _'Kids, that story doesn't have nearly enough references to another story to make it interesting. This is a bedtime story for a new generation.'_ , and the kid would say, _'But that's boring, we can barely stay awake.'_ , and he will answer to them, _'That means it's working.'_ Seems very interesting to me."

"So he can apparently see the Scrunt by walking backwards and looking in the mirror. Why? Because it's less complicated than doing jumping jacks and looking through a fruit loop, just get used to nothing being explained!", Yang reviews on the next scene.

Blake also said, "The Scrunt scares him away, but to be fair, you were asking Paul Giamatti to protect you, what do you think was gonna happen? In fact, you saved him the first time. You really thought this was the guy who was gonna be on top of things, Story?", sighing in disappointment.

"So they work on a new strategy.", Weiss continues, the next scene showing Story saying that the Scrunt can hide unless it comes from hiding from it's environment. "...Doesn't that go without saying? He'll hide unless he can't hide? Confusing.", as she then was embraced by Blake pleasingly.

Ruby continues the story, "So they decide to throw a party to distract the Scrunt. Yeah, always good to throw other people's lives in there, as we're realizing getting closer and closer to the end, that this really shouldn't have been called Lady in the Water. She _barely_ does a frigging thing! What they should have called it is Whispering, because that's all anybody does!"

"Love that title, sis, although Shyamalan thinks of that title as a work-in-progress filming codename. Even audiences would want the speakers to turn it up.", nods and answered Ruby's sister Yang, "So they wait for the eagle to come and get her as apparently nobody in the party would notice THAT, but hey, if they don't notice a grass dog attacking a woman and dragging her into the woods, we guess they didn't notice that either."

Blake included, "Oh! By the way, a grass dog attacks her and drags her into the woods. Oh no, this is terrible! What should we do? ...More crosswords!", the next scene with Wright's character having more crosswords for some ridiculous reason.

"But big shock, they start to ask, what if this is a little crazy?", Weiss mentions, the scene showing with a group of people, and Mr. Heep and Wright's character having a conversation. "What heartless demon who gives points of art has doomed mankind for all eternity?", she asks.

Then, team RWBY gasp loudly as they saw the next part of the movie that shown, "The critic!", as the four, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss, respond hatefully as a audience booing sound was heard towards the scene, "Boooooo! **BOOOOOOOO!** "

"If only he praised Shyamalan, we mean any random writers of their genius!", Ruby commented this part, "But no. He had to point out the faults of movies like Signs, we mean any random story! This is all so obviously about Shyamalan, we mean Shyamalan, we mean Shyamalan, we mean you! ...If you were Shyamalan. You know what, that's too much.", the last part towards to the reader.

"Look at this, he writes the critics so one-dimensionally that he actually confuses real life for a movie.", Yang continued, the scene showing the critic speaking in a writer's kind of thoughts, which made the four girls laugh a bit, "We're sorry... This- This is really hard. It's really hard for us to get through this, we-", before team RWBY laughs again for a bit, "...cause that's all they are! That's all critics are."

Blake and Weiss then supports, "It's literally just... _'My life is a movie, everything is connected to movie, I am robot, I judge and hate everything!'_ ", snickering in laughter with Ruby and Yang, the two joking, " _'There is no personal vendetta going on at all, it is all about you, the personal artists at home, it is not one individual person who probably isn't in this film somewhere, I mean, I can't see him at all, it's just too subtle, but maybe he's in the movie!'_ ", before the two lovebirds laugh hard with Ruby and Yang to this joke, "We're sorry, we're sorry, this is so unprofessional and we should just stay serious. That won't happen again, we like need to just get out a little bit more probably."

"So...after that...stellar satire criticism, really SNL (Saturday Night Live) worthy, they start to wonder if anybody else could be the Interpreter.", Ruby told again, the next scene then showing Wright's character's son explaining the reason as he stares at his cereal boxes in the cupboard. Again, as team RWBY watched this scene, the four were amazedly opening their mouths in silent laughter, laughing their heads off to the point where the girls slammed their hands on their knees in amused laughter, RWBY doing sign language in translation,

 **We are using sign language as we're laughing too hard to speak! This can't be real! THIS IS INSANE!**

The four girls then, after a few moments of hard inaudible laughter, team RWBY lets out a loud and amused laughter, to this scene with the boy telling the story whilst staring at cereal boxes, and the team finally stopped laughing a bit as Ruby and Yang told, "People, you are not stoned, you are not high, you are seeing this correctly! A little boy with incredible detail, is predicting the future of an ancient civilization...by staring at cereal boxes! CEREAL BOXES! Oh my god, we are crying, we're absolutely crying, this is so funny!"

"What is he going to see? The Cookie crook will go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when Captain Crunch's neck goes snap, crackle and pop and it'll be grrrrrreat?! What- Were the fortune cookies too hard to understand?!", Blake and Weiss then jokes as the four girls laughed again. "WE CAN'T BREEEEEEATHE!"

Afterwards, the four girls stop laughing again as Ruby resumes, "Okay, onto the spice rack, where I will predict the Second Coming of...", before the team laughs once more, the four finally stop laughing completely. The next part of the movie shows the boy telling them about the ceremony of the seven sisters, the red member watching this commenting, "But it really just said Cinnamon Toast Crunch..."

"It turns out Giamatti has to be the Healer because, well, symbolically, it ties to his family and that dead horse is so kicked, you can see the Nike symbol indented into it. It, of course, brings her back to life, as the big Shyamalan twist is finally revealed!", Yang said then.

When the girls watch the next climatic scene, as Blake says, "Oh my god, it takes place at The Cove! Wait, we already knew that, why did you cut to that? What the hell's the twist?", the scene showing Reggie in the movie as Mr. Heep says he's the Guardian. "Reggie's the guardian? Wow, I didn't know cliffnotes could serve as twists now. We mean like, _'Ooooh, you really got me, aaaaahhh...to look at the movie a different way now..._ "

"And then apparently...these things come out.", summarized Weiss, as it shows tree-like creatures helping attack the Scrunts. "It would be like, _I am Groot. Your ass is grass._ That rhymes by the way.", before looking at the next part of the climax with the girls showing the eagle, "The eagles are coming, the eagles are coming! The Great Eatlon, the eagles are coming!", the four girls giggling.

Ruby and Yang then says the conclusion of the film, "And no kidding, that's the ending. Yeah, the eagle picks Story up, and it just stops. Even Giamatti has a look on his face like, _That's it? Are you kidding me? My two-minute cameo in Downton Abbey was more of my time than this?_ Some sort like that."

"People, we know we haven't reviewed The Happening, but will do so and we believe it'll be fun, but where else can you see a Narf outrunning a Scrunt, with Paul Giamatti waving his leg and touching himself in front of two women, helped by a guy who predicted the future by crosswords, who gave birth to a prophet who can read mythologies that are part of a complete breakfast, with a critic that dares call this all insane, portrayed as the bad guy, with tree Hulks beating up grass stains with teeth, while a giant eagle picks up a whispering tart whose only job was to tell a person to write a book, and the twist centers around a guy we only saw for two minutes in the opening!", spoke the conclusion of the review by Blake and Weiss.

Ruby concluded, "How can this not be a masterpiece of madness? Complete and total entertaining madness. You know what again, we're finished with Lady in the Water. I'm Ruby, and these are my friends Yang, Blake and Weiss, and we remember it so you don't have to! We hope to see you on the next review.", glad to be done with the disappointment of Lady in the Water, finishing their review.

 **End of RWBY's Commentary of Lady in the Water**

 **Next Up: A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary (Original Idea and Written by Myself)  
Hint - It is a sci-fi horror ripoff of one of the most popular movie series.**


	11. Super Special Secret Ripoff (Pt 1)

**This fifth non-canon review storyline focuses on RWBY reviewing on a special, yet actually horrible, cheap, problematic and nightmarish, sci-fi ripoff movie that Ruby and Yang had bought with several other movies they'll review later, which may bring team RWBY to their breaking point to this awful movie. Meanwhile, Salem and Cinder is looking for the same movie (with the last copy already sold to RWBY which they don't know), but will they find it?  
**

 **Warning: For those who don't know about the special ripoff movie, I recommend you DON'T watch it, because it's one of the WORST movies I have ever seen.**

 **Original Story and Entirely Written by Myself**

 **HMV**

At HMV in Vale, Salem and Cinder come over to the cashier as the latter asks, "Hello, how may I help you today?"

"I'm looking for a specific 1980's sci-fi horror ripoff movie that we find to be interesting.", Salem politely says.

Cinder asked, "Do you have any in stock?"

"Oh, that bad movie? Gee, sorry about that. They only have about 10 copies around Remnant, and we just sold our last one just 30 minutes ago. Is there anything else I'd like to help you with? We have a Buy 6, Get 5 Free deal for one day only which is today.", apologized the HMV cashier.

Salem sighs angrily by breathing out, "...Arthur."

"They don't have it here. Let's just get another bad movie then. I don't want to wait around all day.", impatiently says Cinder.

The goddess grabs Cinder by the hand saying, "Let's go! I wanna find out who stole that movie I want...", beratingly before the two rush out of the store.

"Okay...bye now.", the cashier only says during this.

But what they didn't know, Ruby and Yang were just there 30 minutes ago.

* * *

 **BEACON ACADEMY**

In RWBY's dorm room, Blake and Weiss were both taking a nap romantically before Ruby and Yang suddenly come in, waking the two up.

"Girls! Wake up!", Ruby and Yang surprised.

Blake and Weiss answer, "Ruby, Yang, we just finished having sex fifteen minutes ago. Where have you been?"

"The HMV store at town had a Buy 6, Get 5 Free deal! And we've got over a dozen movies for reviewing later on!", Ruby first said.

Yang mentions, "Some good, some bad too. These movies cost over $30, while five of the rest were free."

"What are the movies? And what are we watching and reviewing for today?", Blake and Weiss both said, interested.

Ruby pulls out the movies and goes through them, "Here we here Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, Cool World, Monkeybone, Spawn, Catwoman, the 2016 Ghostbusters, The King and I, The Swan Princess, Jem and the Holograms, Cat in the Hat, and last but not least-"

That was when the four girls look surprisingly shocked to see the final movie they got from HMV was the last copy of the 1980's sci-fi horror ripoff movie Salem and Cinder were searching for.

Alien 2: On Earth.

Looking at the caseart for a couple moments of fear and suspense, the girls have a matter of time whether to not watch it or-

"Ah, heck with it. We saw the first two alien movies, Alien and Aliens. Let's review on it and see what the movie is.", Ruby ignores this, the team RWBY then agreeing to review on the ripoff.

 **A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary - Alien 2: On Earth (Part 1)**

"Hello, I'm Ruby, and these are our friends Yang, Blake and Weiss. We remember it, so you don't have to. First off, this movie we're about to review is a ripoff to the classic, memorable and extraordinary sci-fi horrors Alien and Aliens, directed by Ridley Scott and James Cameron, respectively. However one year after the first Alien was released, Italian director-writer Ciro Ippolito, also known as knockoff Sam Cromwell, wanted to make an unauthorized imitation of the sequel before Aliens was made six years later after Alien."

Yang also told, "And like Foodfight's $65,000,000 budget, this ripoff only has 400,000,000 Italian Lira converting to only a budget of $240,000 in US currency! We mean, it's cheaper than the $9-10 million dollar budget the first Alien has! Are-are these creators of this movie cheap!"

"Even this movie doesn't even have the same creation like the Alien series or doesn't even have Sigourney Weaver that we know and love, and puts everything about the first two actual films in the actual series into garbage! So, let's start off this review, shall we?", asks Blake and Weiss, starting their review.

 **Alien 2: On Earth (Sulla Terra)**

Ruby chuckles, "Sulla Terra. It's italian for On Earth.", before starting, "So the movie starts off with the world waiting for the astronauts in the first movie to return, but even though the first Alien took place in 2154, this takes place in 1980! So anyway, we are also introduced to a woman named Thelma Joyce and her husband Roy, and the woman appeared on a television interview discussing about caves.", the scenes showing the opening and the woman having the interview, but she suddenly felt a headache of some sort.

"Oh, is there something wrong there? Do you like Tylenol? Get back to normal whatever your normal is? Or Advil? Advil and go?", Yang asks, holding the two medicines, the scene showing Thelma talking to Roy and another that it wasn't a headache but something else. "Hallucinative headache...?"

Blake then says, "So after the interview, Thelma and Roy decide to go to the beach and meet a few friends of theirs. Then they decide that they should go to the caves and investigate there. Because there was something up or something bad was about to happen...?"

"The two even go to the bowling alley where they meet their friends there, and they agree to go with them to the caves. The black guy there too was the only funny part in the entire movie, to be honest. No offence.", Weiss spoke the next part, the scene showing the bowling alley and the black guy.

Ruby then says, "However meanwhile, a young girl finds a strange blue and pulsating rock at the beach. But when her mother finds her and asks if she was okay, the unthinkable first jumpscare happens...", the next part of the movie showing the mother finding her child, turning her head around as she then screams, revealing that the girl's face was horribly ripped off! The four team members jumped, saying, "What the fuck's that!?"

"This is one of the worst first jumpscares in a sci-fi horror! Seriously? The makeup in that scene looks like her face was covered with a few pounds of salami and meat together, and covered with shimmering tomato and spaghetti sauces! Those Italian moviemakers! But we don't hate you for that, your delicacies and sights though, Italy, no offence too though. Only this movie.", Yang criticized.

Blake then continues the story, "So the group goes on a road trip to the caves and stopped by a roadside cafe, buying food and putting on their caving gear. But unfortunately, one of Thelma's friends Burt finds another strange rock outside the cafe. If I was in the movie, I'd be like, _Warning, do not bring rock. If so, bring it to the incinerator or nearest volcano and burn it to ashes and smithereens! Warning, do not bring rock!_ But he decides to bring it with the gang anyway, which was a WRONG choice that he should take back."

"So Thelma, Roy and their friends continue on their road trip to the caves, which they did, and they went in. They also seem to find a bottomless-like pit below, which looks like the gateway of terror to us, and then they rappeled down deep within the cave, with some of the most unfitting rock music ever in the film. Trust us, if either AC/DC, Jon Bovi or Metallica worked on the music instead of the cheesy-sounding Oliver Onions rock band music that's in this fucking movie.", Weiss considered.

Ruby then says the next part of the story, "The group then decide to camp in the deep caves for the night. Because it's...what campers do during underground field trips... Basically?", this scene then showing Thelma telling Roy that something horrible is about to happen. "Ah, that's bullshit, Thelma, it won't happen...unless if it has to do with the strange rock Burt found earlier."

"However one of Thelma's friends Jill decides to look around the cave, but unfortunately discovers the strange rock that Burt WRONGFULLY chooses to bring, now blue and pulsating like the one earlier with the girl at the beach.", Yang synopsizes, showing the scene with Jill seeing the strange blue rock pulsating. "Uh oh...when the rock's blue and pulsating, that means...", she then said, before the scene shows the small alien inside of the rock coming out towards the screen, attacking Jill in the movie, and also scaring the four girls watching this as they jump, " **What's that!?** "

Blake nonetheless continues, "Sooner or later, Thelma strangely discovers the scene of the attack and then lets out cries for help toward the darkness.", the next scene with Thelma panicking and saying "Answer me!", which the Faunus girl then says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we can't take your call right now with that kind of sentence. Please leave a message after the beep and we'll get right back to you.", with Weiss, Ruby and Yang giggling in agreement.

"It was then the group finds Jill's body and they all decided to help get her out of the caves with the help of one of Thelma's friends Phil. But what they didn't know, the unthinkable scariness was about to happen...", Weiss then said, the next scenes showing the group finding Jill unconscious and Phil helping bring her up the caves.

Then a few moments of the next scary scene were shown, the camera shot scrolling to the left as it shows Jill's lying body, and all of a sudden, something slowly comes out of Jill's face in a bloodied fashion, it's silhouette opening it's mouth like a horrible creature and makes a sound.

This startles the four girls watching this scene, team RWBY asking, "What in the...?", the movie scene showing Phil turning around and his eyes widen to the sight, before the small alien lunges towards the screen and attacks Phil's neck as he screams!

The four girls jumped in fright and hid behind their commentary chairs in fear as they peek to see this scene, Phil screaming as the alien was somehow slicing his neck whilst attached to it and moving horribly, with the worst blood and gore effects in the movie shown! Phil falls backwards during this scene and hanged upside-down as Thelma, Roy and their friends watch in horror, Phil screaming a bit more upside-down with the alien slicing his neck, before he dies!

As when team RWBY thought that the scene was over and stood up from hiding, the four had the urge to cover their eyes from the sight as the dead Phil's head, now covered in blood and the small alien gone, suddenly and slowly falls off from his body, onto the ground near Thelma, Roy and their friends are!

Ruby pauses the movie successfully whilst covering her eyes, before the four girls open them and saw the paused part with Phil's decapitated head lying on the ground in the movie, as the leader of the team says, "Okay...that...", before she, Yang, Blake and Weiss felt both nauseous and dizzy, "...was...too scary...", the four girls suddenly fainting from the horrible scene, unconscious.

* * *

 **SALEM'S CASTLE**

Salem and Cinder arrive back at the former's castle to see Arthur, who was at the table reading a book while putting his feet on the table.

"Oh hello, girls. So how was your day going?", smirked Arthur.

Salem then grabs Arthur by the collar and asks seriously, "Arthur, did you buy the last copy of the ripoff movie I'm looking for? Tell me the truth."

"We-well, I haven't bought a single movie since a few days ago. Why would I steal the last copy? What movie was it?", Arthur gulps and asks unfazed.

Cinder tells him, "Alien 2: On Earth! The cashier said there were only 10 copies around Remnant. Now tell me, do you have it...?", threateningly.

"Uh...no. I'm sorry you didn't find that movie of yours that you want to find. Why don't you just watch Alien, Aliens or Predator?", suggests Arthur, holding out three Blu-rays of those movies.

The goddess Salem then threats Arthur supportingly, "WHERE. Is it?", the latter dropping the three movies.

"I honestly haven't seen it. Now, I suggest you should check the HMV at Remnant again. A new shipment of movies have come just an hour ago since you left. Maybe they may have one more copy.", Arthur told her.

Salem thought to herself out loud supposedly, "There again? We believe it's Ruby and her friends. They must've got the last copy... Wait. No. Them watching that movie is a nightmare for them. They wouldn't watch that. If you're right, Arthur, no thanks. And if you're wrong..."

"...you're gonna get it.", Cinder threats angrily with a fist motion, before she and Salem then left the room leaving Arthur alone again.

Arthur sighs, "Well, that was intense. Now, to continue reading my book...", resuming reading.

 **To be continued...**


	12. Super Special Secret Ripoff (Pt 2)

**A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary - Alien 2: On Earth (Part 2 - Final)**

A few minutes after the four members of team RWBY fainted from the horrifying scene in the end of the last chapter, the four finally woke up consciously, panting as Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss look to the screen and gasp to the sight of the gory decapitated head of Phil in the ripoff movie paused still.

"Deep breath. Let's restart this scene.", Ruby said as she and the three other girls took deep breaths, the leader quickly rewinding the movie to the part with the small alien bursting out of Jill's face in the ripoff. "Okay. Let us say THREE problems about this scene.", Ruby told.

"First off, the way the small alien comes out of the face, is the WORST in any of the Alien ripoffs out there. Seriously, it comes out of the FACE instead of the chest in the original! My god, and it doesn't run away or act like a Facehugger! It just cuts out someone's neck off like there's no tomorrow!", Yang spoke the first reason.

Blake supported the second reason, "Also, the way the alien baby lunges towards the camera was like trying to be a 3D movie with a shot reminiscent of Friday the 13th Part 3! That's not what an Italian 3D movie or an Alien movie works, guys!"

"And last but not least, the way the alien was slicing Phil neck off as he screams was horrible! The blood, the design, everything about the creature in this scene! God, it looks like a blanketed neck massager belly-dancing while TOO dressed with spaghetti or tomato sauce, but with fake blood on top of the blanket! No offence though, Italy. We only hate this movie so far but everything else, Italy.", Weiss told the last and third reason, apologizing about Italy.

Ruby continued the story, "Despite this, Thelma, Roy and the remaining friends then retreat and flee away from the scene, but realize they have to go back for their equipment. Really? You have to go back? THERE'S NO TURNING BACK IN AN ALIEN FILM!", the next part of the scene showing Burt suspensefully tries to get the equipment as he sees a strange pulsating substance, but he gets startled by one of his friends as she helped him get away from the strange substance. "Seriously? That's your jumpscare? Pretty immature. Bad job, Ippolito.", Ruby then commented.

"Unluckily the group splits into teams in order to find their way out.", Yang says. "That is, when two of Thelma's friends Maurine and Burt were searching for a way out too for one example, so it's only a matter of time before something goes-", she explained, before this next scene shows a small rat attacking one of Thelma's friends, Maurine, by trying to chew on her leg. "A small rat, are you fucking kidding me? It's not even the alien! Are you telling us four that the rat is infected by the alien? Or probably mind-controlled? Presumably the latter.", the sister of Ruby complained.

Blake then reviews, "However Maurine gets lost somehow in the caves, while the cheesy seemingly-repeated music was heard in the background. Also...are these filmmakers cheap for this too? They somehow play the music over and over again for certain scenes in this $240,000 dollar ripoff! That ruins the atmosphere, people!", as the next scene then shows Maurine suddenly notices something happening in the cavern parts she's in, which looks like the stalagmites she was nearby, was pulsating.

"What? The walls are closing in? The walls are closing in! SOMEBODY HELP!", Weiss realizes in this scene and imitates Maurine, the next part of the scene with Burt finding Maurine, who was being attacked by the unseen alien with multiple shown bloodied tentacles of some sort, which made the four RWBY girls' eyes wide to this scene.

Ruby criticized, "Okay...are you sure that's the best you can do? We don't know, but your movie's effects are as cheesy as actual rotten cheese! The tentacle props look like they're from some sort of ripoff for an octopus movie, but more gory!", the scene they're watching then shows Maurine and Burt being killed by the alien horridly as their faces were covered with blood, Maurine's with a grown hole in her eye, leaning down and pouring blood onto Burt's helmet. "And look at that! Even though the alien has sucked her eye out, it reminds us at the scene in A Christmas Story, no offence, where people during the entire movie warn the kid of the BB Gun he wanted that he'll shoot his eye out! That scene needs a lot of improvement. And we do mean, A LOT in this movie. Your grade is an F!", she says, putting a stamp on the horrible scene that says, _Failure!_ , before adding, "I would give an E minus for effort though."

"Meanwhile with Thelma, Roy and the two remaining friends of theirs, one named Cliff, they had to stop somehow when Roy hurts his ankle.", Yang summarizes, "You know what they say with Energizer? A word of advice... **KEEP GOING!** ", the next scene showing Cliff, the second-to-last friend of Thelma's, deciding to search for Maurine and Burt. "Oh, too bad, bucko. Because we already seen that THOSE TWO ARE DEAD! Seriously, this guy is going to a trap to find nothing, and being killed off like the rest of the other friends! Should've invited Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars if he was watching this awful movie.", she commented.

* * *

In RWBY's imagination, the four were watching the movie with Admiral Ackbar, and the scene where Cliff decides to find the already-deceased Maurine and Burt, made Ackbar blurt out, "IT'S A TRAP! Don't do it!"

"We know, indeed it is, Ackbar. Oh, and they also made a Turkish ripoff of Star Wars.", Ruby and Yang nod.

Ackbar answered back, " **WHAT?** IT'S A TRAP!"

"Yeah. The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back.", murmurs Blake and Weiss.

* * *

"So, Cliff did try and search for Maurine and Burt, while Thelma, Roy and their last friend were communicating with him through the radio.", Blake synopsizes, "However, things get stranger AND worse at the same time when the radio dies.", the scene showing the radio dead as Roy tries to answer back, "Answer me!", like what Thelma did earlier. "Oh, come on, does the writer-director know that he's REPEATING one of the same lines over and over? Because this script is as cheap as a $5-10 meal!", before the movie shows Thelma strangely communicating and warning Cliff that something's wrong

Weiss questions to the scene, "Wait, and somehow, how did Thelma communicate with him? Is she psychic?", before the next part shows Cliff then attacked all of a sudden by a nearby alien, which the camera angle looks like the alien tentacles lowering down and carrying Cliff up.

Ruby stuttered and says, "Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Is that what we think it is? Seriously, your cinematography and editing sucks! It makes us think that a hellish figure chose Cliff and ascended into the deeper part of Hell or something! Like, if you think this movie could be advertised as a theme park ride, you are wrong! We can't even bear the thought of either Kings' Dominion, Six Flags or any other theme park in the world using this! Nobody would come to that ride because this movie's so fucking scary...!"

"However, Thelma and Roy find Cliff again alive and well after that strange alien attack, we wonder if that was a vision or something in the movie.", Yang then describes, "Unfortunately, Thelma believes it is not him, and panics once again.", the scene showing Thelma talking to Cliff and panicking that it's not the actual Cliff that she knows of.

Blake and Weiss supported, "And, suddenly out of nowhere at that very moment, THIS happens.", the next part shows Thelma shaking her head violently as she panics, before she stares at Cliff, which shocks the four RWBY girls.

"What are you doing...?", asked Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss unsurely, as we see shots switching between Thelma looking at Cliff, and Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss watching this scene, switching back and forth as the five stared, like if the girls were like Cliff in that scene. Then as Cliff's helmet-light was shaking violently too in the movie-

 **BOOM!**

Cliff's head explodes reminiscent of Scanners, and we see the four girls hyperventilating and realizing in fear, watching this scene when the alien reveals itself as a bloody-disgusting mess!

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss scream out, " **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT THHHHEEEEEEEEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK?!** ", in extreme terror, horribly-screeching alien sounds heard in the ripoff movie scene as it shows Roy getting Thelma out of the way from the alien, the last friend of theirs being killed instead of Thelma, the two were screaming for their friend before the two run away from the alien.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss, after the scariest scene in the entire movie, were shocked and traumatized for this scene, almost getting heart attacks from it, but not fainting from this again. The four relax and Ruby says, "Italians. Let us say this loud and clear...", before the four breathed in and out and all yelling, " **Are you fucking insane?!** ", Ruby explaining, "Here are FOUR more reasons why this scene is also scary and awful! My sis Yang will start off."

"First of all, the way Thelma and Cliff stared at each other, it tries to mash up a combination of Carrie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and The Good, The Bad and the Ugly! What is this, some mishmash genre of...sci-fi, horror...spaghetti western...supernatural thriller cheap-knockoff-based-on-Alien-that-doesn't-make-any-sense-at-all? Ippolito, you're crazy!", Yang says the first of the four reasons.

Blake says the second, "Second, the moment before Cliff's head explodes similar to Scanners, you can see that Cliff was looking like a wax museum model! Are you kidding us? You were planning to put that in a WAX MUSEUM in ITALY? We don't hate you for that, again, only this movie, Italy."

"Third, the alien's design is disgustingly the WORST we ever seen in an Alien film! It kinda looks like a Made-In-Italy work-in-progress bloodied design of the scary bunny rabbit puppet from Twilight Zone: The Movie! As well as with the worst cheesy and somehow ear-splitting Alien sound effects added to it! Not like ANY of the actual Alien series work!", Weiss says the third reason.

And Ruby said the final fourth reason, "And lastly, since Thelma now has telepathic powers that we didn't notice until now, she was first brave towards exploding Cliff's head and revealing the alien, but when the last of their friends got killed when Roy gets her out of the way, she was scared again! What the hell? Ippolito, there must be something wrong with your character personalities in the movie! God, it's like Thelma's personality went from Carrie to Cowardly Lion in less than a minute! Not to mention Lionheart at Haven Academy. Like, imagine if the Cowardly Lion took on the role as Carrie, it would be so...unimaginable!"

* * *

In RWBY's imagination once again, we see the Cowardly Lion dressed up with a tux as he was holding an award and blue ribbon for Best Dressed at the ball of some sort, giving a speech, "Thank you, thank you... I like to thank everything especially my courageous bravery for this award, and-"

A bucket of blood was suddenly poured from offscreen onto the Cowardly Lion, drenching him, before everyone in the room laughed at him, like Carrie.

"Oh no! I got drenched in blood! People are laughing at me! What should I do...?!", the Cowardly Lion panics before a close-up shows him becoming angry-looking with a glaring stare towards everyone in the room, as they were shocked and in a few moments of the Cowardly Lion staring at everyone, they screamed as everyone in the party but the Cowardly Lion fiery exploded. The Cowardly Lion reverts back to his scared behavior, "Oh my god! I accidentally killed everyone! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me...!", kneeling down and panicking, for forgiveness.

* * *

"So the two remaining survivors, Thelma and Roy manage to escape both the alien and the caves to certain freedom. Which is pretty obvious that there may be a secret exit from the gateway of terror they passed through since it was so deep.", Ruby continues the story, "The two make it to their car, but they're also unsure if the alien was inside.", the next scene showing Thelma and Roy escaping at last, but the two go to the car and Roy comes to the door to check as if a jumpscare was gonna happen, and he opens the car door to find nothing dangerous whatsoever. "Really? We knew a jumpscare was gonna come up and this is what they do? Open the car door to check for an alien and absolutely nothing's scary in the car! Un-fucking-believable.", she criticized.

Yang then says, "Then they drive off from the site and go to get some help back to the city by retracing the path. But apparently, they come across a police car on the side of the way there, but strangely, no police officers were in the car.", before the four girls shrugged to this next scene in the movie, the blonde supposed, "...Maybe they're taking a snack and coffee break at a Tim Hortons or Dunkin' Donuts in the middle of nowhere...? Because that's what police officers do."

"Thelma and Roy also try the roadside cafe they went to earlier, but worse, no one was inside.", Blake says the next scene, before asking, "Did the two come across a portal to another dimension or alternate universe? Because it seems like it, because they were so lost they would've even wind up on the other side of the planet all the way to China, and this movie takes place in the USA instead of Italy, still, we love Italy because of the country.",

The movie shows Roy trying to call on the payphone outside the cafe, but the operator wasn't answering, as Weiss commented, "Uh oh, maybe the operator's in the middle of watching a Fifty Shades marathon, or watching 2 Girls, 1 Cup. Is everyone in that part of the land gone somewhere, like maybe evacuate to Texas or to Russia?", before resuming the plot, "Then the two manage to return to the city, and like earlier with the operator, the police officers and at the cafe, no one was on the streets, and is deserted or abandoned."

"They then went to the bowling alley to see if anyone's there, but unfortunately, not anyone, not even the funny black guy from earlier, was even there! It's like everyone disappeared with one snap of a finger, Thanos style! Did the aliens mess up their minds or something to make it look like an acid nightmare trip?", Ruby questions, discussing, "And so, the two split up and looked around a bit in this uncomfortable atmosphere, and again, they need to survive from all the alien terror that's gonna happen. Which this scene shows pinball machines, a Coca-Cola machine, and-"

This next scene in the movie shows Roy's scream heard, Thelma alerted as she decides to find him whilst scared, going to the back of the bowling alley, as Yang shudders, "Please don't let there be a jumpscare, please don't let there be a jumpscare...", the scene showing Thelma walking up a few set of stairs in the back room before she screams in fear to see what was off-screen up there, which confuses team RWBY. "You're afraid...of the darkness? This scene doesn't make any sense at all! This makes this movie look like a slasher psychological thriller; you have telekinesis, Thelma! Work on that!", the movie with Thelma running out of the room and running far on the right in the back of the bowling alley, before it shows a disgusting image of an alien's POV through either it's eye or mouth, pulsating as Thelma was shown screaming.

"GAAAH!", Blake and Weiss startled with Ruby and Yang, as Thelma in the movie escapes from the alien, who she realized her husband Roy is now dead. "Is that what we think it is? Your crappy alien looks like THIS? YOUR movie poster looks like a disfigured face of a humanoid Italian human, and this doesn't look anything like it! This design looks like it wants us to see the alien's digestive system, as if they had a book that's called The Anatomy of an Italian-ripoff Alien!", the scene showing Thelma coming out from the back of the bowling alley, only to see a couple aliens which startle her as she tries to get away from them.

Ruby and Yang continues, "Miraculously, Thelma hits one of the aliens with either a bowling ball or bowling pin, managed to get out of the bowling alley as she then runs through the streets.", the climatic scene of the movie showing Thelma panicking as she runs to call for help as she runs through the streets, saying "Answer me!", once more multiple times before stopping and sitting on the sidewalk. "OH, REALLY? That sounds like the movie's catchphrase! It's completely stupid with those repeating quotes in this movie! It's like in a slasher film, the character's only words trying to call through the cellphone to call for help who doesn't answer, says answer me all the time! Com-mun-i-ca-tion i-ssue-s, peo-ple!"

* * *

In the last imagination of RWBY's, we see Ruby and Yang in a horror movie as their Pyrrha called, "Hello?"

"ANSWER ME!", Ruby and Yang answer.

Pyrrha asks, "Wha- Are you girls okay?"

"Answer me!", replied the two.

Their friend answer, "Well, you know what, I'm gonna have to call you back. Bye.", before she hangs up on Ruby and Yang, who then call 911.

"Answer me!", the two said again.

* * *

"And then...!", Blake and Weiss were about to say the next scene of the movie, before the four girls of RWBY say the conclusion of the ripoff movie dramatically, "She gave up. She was hopeless. No one. But her. All alone. With the aliens. Roy, and her friends, killed. Doomed. For all eternity.", the ending of the movie with Thelma saddenly sitting on the sidewalk while the repeated rock music was heard, before the tagline of the movie appears on screen.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss read, "...Ora Púo Colpire Anche Te. That's italian for **You may be next**. And that's it! Credits roll! That's the horrible ending of the movie!", before they said the overall conclusion of the girls' review, "Overall, this movie is a complete nightmare for all of us! Imitating the sequel to the famous Alien movie is a total bullshit move for people who want to make an exact horrible replica of the sequel to Alien! James Cameron's Aliens was better than this, so this marks as one of the worst ripoffs of all time! Not even the talent of the directors of all the actual Alien entries was built into this fucking movie! Everything in this movie needs to be fixed! The directing, the writing, the acting, the cinematography, the editing, the sound, the effects, the music, EVERYTHING including the slow pace and the minimalist effects! They should NEVER had to make this movie in the first place! In fact, we should've never watched this movie at all because it'll definitely give us nightmares! This movie isn't for ANYONE who likes the Alien movies and never will be! Italy is mostly 99.9% good, but that 0.1% of that overall is this fucking movie! We prefer Alien, Aliens, Alien3, Alien: Resurrection, and the rest of the Alien franchise BETTER!", before Ruby took the disc out of their DVD player and put it back in the DVD case.

"STOLEN RIPOFF CRAPPY BULLSHIT, **THIS MOVIE SUCKS!** ", Ruby screamed, before she runs over to the window and throws it out successfully.

* * *

Salem told Cinder as they were strolling across Beacon Academy, "I don't understand, Cinder. We checked HMV at Vale again, Arthur lied!"

"I'd have to agree with you. When we get back, we are so gonna-", Cinder seriously agreed, before she and Salem heard something falling in one of the bushes behind them. "What was that?"

The goddess tells her, "Wait here.", going over to the bush and uncovering some of the leaves and prickles, before she grins to see that the Alien 2: On Earth DVD was lying on the bottom of the bush. "Excellent. Someone must've throw it out. Now we don't have to spend $5 on this DVD then. Anyway, let's go back and start my midnight sci-fi horror movie triple-feature marathon."

"What?", questioned Cinder in appall. "We came this way back and forth only for a movie that you're planning to watch for your marathon?!"

Salem was not shocked, rather challenged, "Seriously, yes. The worst films in mind with sci-fi horror in particular is what I'm watching. I already have Contamination and Inseminoid ready. Let's just tell Arthur we found it."

"Fine. Whatever.", groaned Cinder reluctantly, before she and Salem then walk and on their way back to the latter's castle.

* * *

Ruby goes back to her commentary chair with Yang, Blake and Weiss still sitting, the former taking a few more deep breaths, "We're team RWBY...we remember it so you don't have to...we're done with this movie! We're done!", the four concluding, "On to the next review, see you next chapter...", covering their faces in relief from the horrible movie.

 **End of A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary - Alien 2: On Earth**

 **Up Next: Ruby, Yang and Scarlet's Commentary on Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice**


	13. Batman V Superman (Pt 1)

**In this sixth non-canon (crossover) story, Ruby and Yang, as well as a certain guest character from Disney's Star Darlings and a new friend, Scarlet, discuss arguably with the Spring Maiden, Vernal (from Volume 5), about the crossover everybody wanted but no one returned to see again, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, in the best mashup crossover of Rooster Teeth's RWBY and Disney's Star Darlings together.  
**

 **My final episode before I take a break to make my Christmas crossover sequel, resuming in January.**

 **Ruby, Yang and Scarlet's Commentary of Batman V Superman (Part 1)**

 **MISTRAL**

At the bar, a short-brown-haired woman, Vernal (the Spring Maiden), was having a drink at the counter, before the two heard a door open and they were surprised to see the visitors.

It was team RWBY, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss, as well as two particularly special guest characters from Star Darlings, Scarlet and Vega (from one of my other rage critic stories), all six glaring angrily at Vernal.

"Hey, girls. What's up?", greeted Vernal un-appalled.

Scarlet cracks her knuckles as Ruby and Yang told Blake, Weiss and Vega, "Wait outside. This might take a while.", before the two sisters as well as the magenta-black starling, take three seats on the other side of the counter, who all look angrily with glares towards Vernal.

"So, you want to talk to me about a certain movie that seems like a prequel to DC Avengers Part 1, which accomplishes what Marvel did with several movies with just one movie with the same results?", Vernal presumed.

Ruby and Yang gritted, "We'd rather we saw a good Batman Superman movie..."

"What? I thought you girls liked it?", the maiden grinned.

The leader of RWBY answered firmly, "NO."

"Kinda.", rated Scarlet so-so.

Vernal says, "Well then, you three didn't like it?"

"No.", Ruby and Yang answer again.

Scarlet said, "KINDA!"

"Well, what's the problem anyway?", the maiden asks.

The third-year starling proves her point, "People have been waiting years to see this team up."

"And the choices that they made were so...so...", both Ruby and Yang pointed out.

The magenta-black starling finished for the two sisters, "...DC."

"This is arguably the most anticipated comic-book movie of all time, in that people have been waiting to see it before it was even announced. There have been several comics where Batman and Superman are together, as well as cartoons. But, despite there being tons of Batman and Superman movie there had never been one with them together. However, with the Marvel crossovers proving to be exceptionally successful, DC felt it was time to throw their hat into the ring and use this as a means to start their own DC cinematic universe. Despite it's very strong opening, it's box office dropped a shocking 68% the following weekend. How bad is that? Batman and Robin's second weekend had a 63% drop. Wow. That means more people went back to see that film rather than Batman vs Superman. What the hell have you done, Zack?", said Ruby and Yang together.

Vernal noted, "Alright, why don't you start off the beginning of the film please?"

"Alright. We can go with that.", agreed Scarlet, as Ruby and Yang pull out the Blu-Ray DVD of Batman V Superman, putting the disc in the bar TV's DVD player.

The Spring Maiden told the three, "Did you know the opening was a few minutes from Batman Begins."

"EXACTLY!", Ruby, Scarlet and Yang said altogether.

 **Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice  
** **SPOILERS AHEAD (I don't own anything)**

Ruby and Yang start off, "After seeing a flashback we've seen done so much we're surprised there's not even action figures of it, we cut to another flashback of Bruce Wayne driving through Metropolis when it was being destroyed by Zod in the events of Man of Steel, as a friend of Bruce's was killed during that battle, and Bruce plans to avenge his friend and as well as all the lives that acknowledge that it may be Superman's fault!"

"Flash forward a year later as thank god, Lois Lane finds out Clark Kent is Superman, and they discussed their future together after the hero saved her from terrorists in the desert. What's that about with Zack, Vernal?", continued the starling Scarlet and asks the Spring Maiden.

Vernal replied, "Well, if you can't see how they would mistake Superman shooting people to death..."

"Yeah, who did you think he is, Batman?", Ruby and Yang sarcastically questioned.

The girl answers back, "I don't think I should have to explain the obvious. Besides, this leads to a very deep conversation, with a love-making bathtub session...", tenderly and intimately for the last part of her sentence, which disgusts Ruby, Scarlet and Yang.

"But it looks like one of the people intimidated by Superman is Lex Luthor, played remarkably without an apology by Jesse Eisenberg. Lex wants to have access to Zod's ship after he had discovered Kryptonite.", Ruby and Yang both continue.

The Spring Maiden sighs, "Okay, so what's the problem? Come on.", in disappointment. "Plain mediocre..."

"... **I'm gonna!** ", Scarlet threatens to Vernal with her starling powers, before Ruby and Yang help calm her and sit back down.

The red-black leader Ruby mutters to the magenta-black starling Scarlet, "Let me and my sis handle this.", before she says to Vernal, "First, Jesse Eisenberg. Second, if Superman took down military satellites trying to track him, why the hell didn't he take Zod's ship a weapon from Krypton away from them?"

"Third, Jesse Eisenberg," adds Scarlet, "Fourth, there's no reason for Luthor to hate Superman here. In the comics and movies Superman foils his evil plans constantly so it makes sense to try and kill him. But in this movie, if anything Lex Luthor benefits Superman as he said he has contracts to rebuild everything that was destroyed. His motivations are completely backward!"

Vernal tells them, "Well like everyone else, he's afraid of Superman's massive power and ability to destroy.", which Ruby, Yang and Scarlet's jaws drop in arguable confusion.

"He makes Doomsday later! That's like five Supermans with a fist for a brain!", argued Ruby and Yang.

Scarlet asks Ruby and Yang, "And what was that other thing, girls?"

"Oh, yeah, Scarlet!", Ruby and Yang replied.

All three girls then told Vernal, "JESSE EISENBERG!", pointing this out.

"Whether you want to call him Lex Luthor Jr, or whatever this is a beyond awkward performance.", Ruby spoke.

Scarlet includes, "Even at his corniest, Lex is a powerful charming diabolical mastermind. He always had a cool attitude, a business type mindset and a suave calculating demeanor."

"But in this movie, again, this guy is more like Roger Rabbit if he was a super villain.", afterwards commented Yang.

Vernal says, "But at least he introduced Clark Kent to Bruce Wayne. That will really get them hating each other."

"Yeah, but why?", Ruby questions. "We have a vague understanding on why Batman hates Superman but there is no reason Superman should hate Batman."

Yang also mentions, "This also follows a dream sequence which involves subplots, future characters, things you don't understand yet so it must be clearer, and the motivations of the next film are being figured out before the motivations of this film."

"It gets even weirder when Batman is chasing down who have the kryptonite and Superman stops him right in his tracks for pretty much no reason.", discusses Scarlet.

Ruby nods, "Yeah! Batman would be like, _Tell me, do you bleed?_ Then Superman would fly off as he would say, _You didn't answer my question, do you bleed? You will._ Funny, huh?"

"Mm-hmm! Superman would ask, _What did you say?_ and Batman would be like _Nothing. Nothing._ and the other would fly off, but not before he wrecks Batman's Batmobile!", the third-year starling Scarlet joked, before she, Ruby and Yang died with laughter.

Yang giggles during this, " _Oh, real mature,_ he would say!"

"Okay, I'm gonna go to the restroom for a bit. I don't wanna listen to your joke any longer. I'll be back in a minute.", disagreed Vernal, going to the bar's restroom for a bit, while the third girls were continuing to happily giggle to their joke.

 **To be continued...**


	14. Batman V Superman (Pt 2)

**Ruby, Yang and Scarlet's Commentary of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (Part 2 - Final)**

 **Again, SPOILERS AHEAD (I still don't own anything). My final chapter before my break for the Christmas crossover.  
**

 **In honour of the 2017 movie Justice League.**

When Vernal returned from her restroom break in the bar, Ruby, Yang and Scarlet had finished laughing from their joke a few minutes earlier, before the three girls glared at the Spring Maiden once again.

"Okay, so you girls don't think Batman and Superman have enough reasons to hate each other. But hey, you got to give Zack credit, Lex Luthor, his plan is pretty amazing.", Vernal told the girls.

Ruby, Yang and Scarlet looked at each other, confused, before saying in unison, "How?"

"By inviting Superman to the capitol building and then blowing it up causing people to hate him more.", the Spring Maiden said.

The red-black leader of RWBY tells her the correction, "But even in the movie they know he didn't do it."

"And why would Superman use a bomb? He doesn't need one!", supported Scarlet.

Vernal thought, "But it's okay because he scares Superman into exile."

"W-was that Lex's plan?", Yang questions.

The Spring Maiden answers, "Uh...yes, that's exactly what he wanted, I think. According to Zack."

"Why does he make another Kryptonian then?", argued the magenta-black starling Scarlet. "He tricks the incredibly advanced Kryptonian technology by using fake fingerprints and forcing it to genetically combine his DNA with that of Zod."

Ruby agrees, "Point. Don't you wish this is how all advanced technology worked?"

"Yeah. For sure.", Scarlet nods.

Yang continues, "So while in exile, Clark comes across his dead father building a snow fort. This is because either a) he's a ghost, b) Clark's hallucinating, c) more inconsistent technology, or d) if this really is your biggest question through all of this, you're on Quaaludes."

"Meanwhile, Luthor's men sneak up on Lois and kidnap her.", Scarlet says the next part of the story.

Ruby finishes for her friend, "And she wakes up on top of Lex's building, where Lex tells Lois about her evil plan, then Superman returns and Lex manipulates the hero as he says that he must kill Batman in order to save Martha, his mother."

"It begins the ultimate anticipating brawl against Batman and Superman! Eh? Ehh? Pretty high drama, huh?", Vernal also mentions about the fight between Batman and Superman. "Isn't this it? Isn't this what Zack wanted you've always wanted to see?"

Yang sighed, "Yeah, it's what we've always wanted to see..."

"...but not why we wanted to see it.", Scarlet points out.

Ruby agrees, "We want to see Batman and Superman fight because they have different ideologies that we enjoy. One is dark and aggressive, the other is kind and hopeful. Seeing two points of view that are different but we identify with go head and head is deep and conflicting drama."

"But Superman is fighting to save his mom and Batman is fighting because he pretty much does what he does. It's not the motivations are weak. It is the literal definition of forced.", the magenta-black starling Scarlet said.

The Spring Maiden asks and says the spoilers of the battle between Batman and Superman, "Yeah I guess, but wasn't it cool the way Batman swings him around like a yo-yo?", Ruby, Yang and Scarlet nodding unsurely. "And wasn't it cool the way Batman punches him across the building?", the three other girls nodding unsurely again. "And wasn't it cool when Batman sprayed him with kryptonite gas so just minutes later he could stab him with a kryptonite spear?"

"Wait a minute- Why didn't he just stab him with the spear first?", corrected Ruby and Yang.

Scarlet also said, "Yeah, this is a battle of brains as well as brawn. Why didn't Batman just stab him as his first move?", asking Vernal.

"I...um...well, look! Aquaman's in the movie!", Vernal pointed to the TV showing Aquaman in the movie.

The third-year starling ignores, "Answer the question!"

"Okay, they did it so people could see more of fighting. Zack's cool!", truthfully said the Spring Maiden.

Ruby and Yang both clarified, "And there's the movie's problem. They see them fighting, but they don't experience them fighting. Anyone can just watch two people fight. Hell, you can just take two strangers, put them in Batman and Superman costumes and have them do cool stuff."

"But if you're constantly questioning why throughout the whole thing, you're not experiencing it. You're constantly being distracted by elements that don't add up.", Scarlet exampled.

Vernal then sarcastically glares, "But perhaps you girls didn't hear me... Look, The Flash is in the movie!", pointing to the TV again showing Flash in the movie, causing Ruby, Yang and Scarlet to groan, sigh and facepalm. "...Cyborg?"

"No, just...no.", refuses the third-year starling Scarlet.

Ruby and Yang continues the story, "Batman has the upper hand until an amazing discovery is made. Their mothers are both named Martha, and Batman and Superman have a alliance at last. But Lois throws the spear in the water and Lex is creating the ultimate kryptonian devil, which his plan makes no sense, god versus god."

"Lex Luthor may be still kind of a Joker, but that's nothing. Wait until you see how well they understand Doomsday.", Vernal mentioned.

Scarlet raises her eyebrow, "Doomsday?"

"Yes, they wrote him so he's a combo of Lex and Zod's DNA, creating...", says the Spring Maiden.

Ruby and Yang shush her, "Hold on a second! We're just gonna draw on this movie's Doomsday looks like...", pulling out a sketchbook as Yang quickly draws a picture of Doomsday, before giving it to Vernal which shows only a human with a body type of Zod and orange hair like Luthor's, but with Zod's personality mashed with a monstrosity's personality.

"But that's not what Doomsday looks like...?", Vernal said, confused.

Scarlet says, "Oh? What did you expect? A monster evolved from cloning thousands of alien babies dying and being reborn until it created the ultimate killing machine? Like in the comic?"

"Yeah? I believe.", supposes the short-haired maiden.

Ruby smirks and argues, "Well, why wouldn't it look anything like Zod and Luthor's goddamn DNA?! A combination of Zod and Luthor on this drawing should look exactly like that, Zod and Luthor. Where did this double sized, double muscled, brain dead, dick missing creature come from? In fact, wait a minute; Lex Luthor combining his DNA with Zod's kryptonian DNA to create an uncontrollable monster? That's NUCLEAR Man!"

"Oh my god, Zack Snyder's getting inspiration from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, the WORST Superman movie EVER!", freaked out Yang and referenced.

Vernal realizes this and excuses, "But...but...THEY GOT DOOMSDAY IN THE MOVIE!", pointing to the TV playing the movie with Doomsday shown.

"Vernal, this isn't a contest for how much shit you can jam in this movie! We loved these characters because they were given time to develop.", reasons the magenta-black starling Scarlet.

Ruby and Yang support, "Just because you give them the same name doesn't automatically make them the same character."

"But what if they had...", spoke Vernal about to say something.

Scarlet threats, "Shut. The hell. Up.", Vernal reluctantly nodding, before saying the climax's spoilers, "So after Wonder Woman finally joins the team, who is in the movie, Batman has a great idea, then Superman has a great idea, and Superman rushes towards Doomsday with the kryptonite spear and...", about to give the climatic spoiler away, "...he dies...?"

"Superman dies in the second movie?", questioned Ruby and Yang.

Vernal facts, "Well, don't forget, there's even more than that. They use even more similar symbolism, don't worry we'll get all through that. Lex Luthor is put into prison, and just when you think he's really gone for good, a few specks of dirt rise from his coffin. Hinting that maybe...just maybe...he'll come back. Thus they have combined the most famous Batman and Superman stories into one emotional package. Giving you exactly what you've always wanted to see."

"...okay?", Yang, Ruby and Scarlet looked at each other, before the latter two gets an idea as they smiled.

Ruby politely says, "Now, we must say one word for this...", before she and Scarlet get up from their chair, the former pulling out her closed Crescent Rose weapon, and Scarlet had cleaned her outfit and tutu a bit, before the two clear their throats, took a deep breath, aaaaand...

...

" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!** ", ragingly yelled Ruby and Scarlet, the former pointing her Crescent Rose scythe with a raging expression while Scarlet had glowed a explosive fiery burst of positive wish energy in a fit of ultimate rage, both yelling this towards Vernal as the latter was traumatized and scared by the two lead girls, while Yang remained sitting down, not scared but rather smiling for her sister Ruby and their starling friend Scarlet.

This happens for a few moments, until the two girls' rage dies after Ruby swings her Crescent Rose scythe, not hitting Vernal, but hitting the maiden's drink, sending it flying and the cup shattering once hitting the bar wall. The two take a deep breath, relaxing, Ruby sitting down for Scarlet to talk to Vernal.

Scarlet goes back to arguing, "You know what we want to see?!"

"N-n-n-n-no?", stuttered Vernal in fright.

The third-year starling said, "We want to see the Justice League at his funeral, but now we can't! We want to see a hero slowly stripped of his life in the ultimate battle instead of just being stabbed in just one swoop, but now we can't. We want to build a connection with Superman the same way he built a connection with us in hundreds of stories, but now we can't! We want to fear that this might be the time that Superman doesn't make it back, but now we can't. How many comics were there before Superman had died, Vernal?"

"I-i-i-i-i don't know?", guessed the Spring Maiden, frightened still.

The magenta-black starling answered, "Hundreds! Thousands! And how many movies did Zack make with him?"

"Two?", Vernal said, scared.

Scarlet replies, "TWO! You killed him in two movies and you barely even focused on him! You know what we want to see? We want to see Zack Snyder earn Superman's death! This isn't fucking Jimmy Olsen! This is goddamn Superman! He deserves your time and respect! I am a big fan of him, and he wasted it!", before she sits down with Ruby and Yang.

"Ditto.", said Ruby and Yang, the former fistbumping Scarlet, as Vernal was paralyzed in shock by earlier. "This movie is trying to be Marvel, the Dark Knight, Wonder Woman, the Death of Superman, and Batman vs Superman when Batman vs Superman would have been more than enough. The reason we love so many of the stories that you were trying to fit into this is because each one was it's own individual story. The Death of Superman wasn't also a prequel of Suicide Squad or the retelling of Dark Knight Returns. It focused on one story and allowed us to get invested. Sure you have to compromise a story when it comes to making a movie, but when you lose the heart and soul of making that story so special, it is worth squeezing in instead of devoting the time it deserves? Huh?", the two sisters making this speech.

Vernal then says after being shocked expressively, "So, uh...that's what you two really think, huh?", asking this as Ruby, Yang and Scarlet nodded. "Well, I'm sorry that movie didn't please you in the least."

"Oh, no. A lot of it was pretty awesome. Including the IMAX 70mm footage Zack did.", Ruby and Yang told the truth.

The Spring Maiden questions in confusion, "What?"

"As much as so many of those scenes suck, there's a lot of scenes that are frigging amazing, like in IMAX 70mm or Laser to get the full picture of those selected scenes. The action, the visuals, Affleck as Batman, Irons as Alfred. When it did certain parts of the comic right, it was a pretty kick ass film.", says Scarlet.

Vernal ensures, "So, wait. Did you girls like it or not?", which confuses the three girls as they looked each other, stuttered and shrugged.

"It's not good, to us, Blake and Weiss'...", Ruby and Yang said their opinion.

Scarlet says too, "I am always glad that me and my girlfriend Vega saw it."

"If you're just looking for Batman and Superman to fight each other, you'll get it, it's just not in a story that makes any sense.", Ruby spoke.

The magenta-black starling adds, "It's got a lot of cool scenes that are hard to say not to go check it out, which definitely looks best in IMAX 2D, 3D, Laser or 70mm. So, in a strange way, we're still recommending it."

"We suppose that's all over the map, but then again Zack's movie is all over the map, so we guess it comes full circle.", Yang finished their review for Batman V Superman.

Vernal pauses and curiously asks, "If those are all your thoughts, then why did you three come all the way out here then?"

"Well, uh...we were thinking...", thought Scarlet, "...that maybe we could write the next one?", which made Ruby and Yang smile, nod and agree with the starling.

As Vernal looked shockingly agitated, Ruby and Yang were about to discuss, "As in, we don't know, maybe why not Justice League, either Part 1 or 2, or...Shazam? Suicide Squad 2? The Batman?", the two sisters smiling with Scarlet embarrassingly, before Vernal growls a bit with her mouth closed as she glares at them.

* * *

As Blake, Weiss and Yang were waiting outside the bar for Ruby, Yang and Scarlet, the three girls see them come out of the bar, beaten up and bruised, with a few blood cuts.

"Girls! Are you okay?", cared Blake and Weiss to Ruby and Yang.

Vega worried, "You look awful! I hope you feel better soon, my love!"

"That is a very violent spring maiden girl, girls.", Ruby and Yang told.

Scarlet answers, "Yeah...for sure. Not to worry, these minor injuries will go away in a few days.",

"You wanna all go get some snacks and drinks at the cafe?", Ruby, Yang and Scarlet all said.

Blake, Weiss and Vega reply, "Yes, of course! We've been waiting for about 20 minutes!"

"Don't mind if I do.", Scarlet smiles, before the six girls go off to the cafe after their BvS review.

 **End of Ruby, Yang and Scarlet's Commentary of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice**

 **Next up: RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic**


	15. Fant4stic (Pt 1)

**In this seventh non-canon review, Ruby and Yang buy a Blu-Ray of Fant4stic, the 2015 remake of 2005's Fantastic Four, which was hated by audiences and critics alike, as they review on how horrible it is. A continuation of my upcoming Fantastic Four (2005) review prequel in the story later on.**

 **BEACON**

Blake, Weiss, Pyrrha and Nora were going through the TV channels and Netflix selections in the dorm room, looking for something good and romantic to watch together.

However, while doing so, someone suddenly slammed the door open, startling the two girls.

"Hi, Blake! Hi, Weiss!", Ruby and Yang said when barging in the dorm.

Weiss breathed, "You scared us both. What is it now?"

"Yeah, we're trying to find a movie to watch on TV or on Netflix. Finished reading my book an hour ago."

"Sorry to interrupt your love time, you two, but we both bought another movie for us to review and watch, Fantastic Four, the newer version!", Ruby stated.

Nora excited, "The new version? How great!"

"We were just looking for something to watch, but glad we got a movie to watch.", Pyrrha sweetly said.

Yang reminded, "Remember that other Fantastic Four movie we did, and we also watched a bit of Daredevil on Netflix, about a week ago?"

"Yes, that was great. We should all do it again!", Ruby had an idea, "With the new Fantastic Four, AND we're gonna sit and watch a bit of Jessica Jones on Netflix!"

Blake and Weiss look at each other and answer, "It sounds like a great idea. Let's do it.", before Ruby and Yang join in with Blake, Weiss, Pyrrha and Nora as they snack on Doritos and Lays as they watch Jessica Jones.

Jaune and Ren came in the room as the former said, "What are you guys doing?", wondering, "Because to us, it seems like you're about to review a movie when you're watching Netflix."

"Well, yes, we're kinda brooding.", Ruby smiled.

Ren added, "Also because you may be doing the same thing you did last time, with Fantastic Four. Let me and Jaune guess...you're gonna watch the new version of Fantastic Four."

"Of course, guys.", Yang agreed.

Pyrrha and Nora got up and said, "Okay, we may have to go train and hang out now. Hope to see you later, maybe I'll go see you guys when we get back."

"Bye! It's gonna be fantastic!", team RWBY said, as team JNPR leaves, but just before Ruby said, "Or should we say, Fant-4-stic.", smirking.

 **RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic (Part 1)**

"Fox's DISASTROUS reboot of the Fantastic Four franchise was not only a critical, audience, AND box-office portal of suck, but even the director expressed his disappointment on Twitter before the film came out!", Ruby and Yang told details.

Blake and Weiss compliments, "Man, there's ouch, and then there's, gunshot! This would be the fourth time the Fantastic Four was BOTCHED cinematically. And it's sad that with such an impressive amount of failures, the most accurate representation is this one, what have you done?"

"Yeah, they get that bad. Some remake.", Ruby said, before beginning, "We'll start off. This is...Fantastic Four. The 2015 edition."

 **Fant4stic**

Ruby and Yang start off, "The film opens with the Fox logo flashing the letter F, similar to how they flashed the letter X before the X-Men films. Honestly, if you wanted to give us any insurance, you'd flash getting Deadpool right. Eventually."

"We see a young Reed Richards getting distracted by his scientific ideas at school. Don't you know? American high school is where ideas go to die!", Blake and Weiss said, the first snippet shows the teacher offscreen, and a student, doing a Star Trek joke.

Ruby giggles, "Star Trek jokes, always wins over an entire class.", continuing, "We see his teacher, Homer Simpson," as she and her friends burst into laughter, nevertheless saying, "No, really, that's his voice actor Dan Castellaneta, which we call random, is not happy with his future goals."

During the scene where the young Reed is explaining his scientific goals, Yang mocked with her best Dexter (from Dexter's Laboratory) voice, "I am also working on a foolproof way to keep Dee Dee out of my room!", laughing hilariously.

Blake said, "I got one!", doing her best Homer Simpson voice when the teacher in the movie told Reed about the assignment to pick a real career, "Why can't you be a nuclear safety engineer? Or an astronaut? Or mayor? Or country singer manager? I could keep going, I've had over 188 jobs! You think YOUR franchise is running on fumes? PHEW!", laughing once again as Weiss joins laughing, embracing.

As they finish laughing, Weiss said, "But his friend Ben also seems to be having trouble when he goes home to a dysfunctional family.", who responds after seeing a abusive scene with Ben and his brother saying 'Clobberin' time', she says, "YAY, that lighthearted phrase is from an abusive household!", but for a moment, Ruby and Yang unsurely gave thumbs up with a cringe about this.

Ruby continued, "But Reed says he can get him out of this movie- I mean, situation. He just needs a power converter for his flux capacitor- I mean, remake of Explorers- I mean, teleporter!", accidentally mistaken the invention in the scene. "Sorry, terminology gone wrong here. Yang, what do you think it is?"

"Actually, Ruby, flux capacitor sounds more reasonable at this point.", Yang confides her sister, as Ruby thanked her, allowing her to comment during that scene when the young Reed hopes for his invention not to blow up, "Ohh, what every producer said when this movie premiered!", and also joking to when the test object was turned into ash when the invention finished, "Holy smokes, he made weed! They're gonna be the Fantastic 4/20!", laughing again with her friends.

Blake then said, "Years go by, as the two are ready to try their experiment again at the science fair.", as she giggled, "I'll try again.", doing another best Homer Simpson impression again when Reed (played by Miles Teller) explains his invention to his teacher, "MARGE! The eggheads are saying the word-things again!", the four laughing their heads off and Reed saying in the movie that it's a teleporter, continuing, "Yeah, whatever, nerd. When are you gonna stretch already?", the team giggling, Blake resuming, "The experiment makes the teleport to a location they're not sure of, so there's no proof it actually teleported, but it does result in a sonic boom so powerful, it destroys the basketball hoop."

"So hey, that's gotta count for someth-", Weiss thought, before the movie shows the teacher saying to Reed and Ben (played by Jamie Bell) that they're both disqualified from the fair, as she, Ruby, Yang and Blake, at the same time as Reed in the movie, says, "Wait, what?", the teacher saying it's a science fair, not a magic competition, as the team glared, "So...magic destroyed the basketball hoop? Jesus, what's it take to impress you, Homer?!"

Ruby looked on the bright side, "Well, thank God the director of a government-sponsored research institute working on interdimensional teleportation just HAPPENED to be there! No, really! Someone must've been eating Lucky Charms marshmallows to have that happen!"

"Does that happen a lot?", Yang, Blake and Weiss asked.

Ruby told, "Sometimes, guys. Not sure if it happens regularly, exactly.", the next part with Dr. Franklin Storm telling Reed and Ben they have accomplished interdimensional travel, that he's from The Baxter Foundation, and he likes to give them a full scholarship, "If I was him, I'd be like, _'I was going to give a grant for that papier-mache volcano, but I GUESS that's a little better.'_ ", chuckling, "Nonetheless, they take him to a school so high-tech, they can't fully light their hallways as Reed tries to get friendly with the director's daughter, Sue Storm, played by Kate Mara.", this part with Reed asking Sue if she likes music.

"I would say as Sue, _'Oddly enough, no. What, sounds that form melodies? Is that still a thing?'_ ", Yang inputs, before a snippet shows Sue and Reed talking, and the latter asking if he's that predictable when she said if he wants to be famous, "Well, when you're in this movie, it's hard NOT to be."

Blake pointed out when the movie mentions Victor Von Doom, "Yep, you heard that correctly! This dark, gritty realistic version of Fantastic Four, still has a guy named Von Doom in it! Because, _'Professor von Evilnasty'_ wasn't obvious enough!", sarcastically.

"Nevertheless, Storm is still convinced he should be brought on to the project.", says Weiss, and then joked in a scene with Storm and Von Doom, " _Bullshit. You know Borat and Peter Dinklage stole my face! Hell, we even make a joke about it later._ "

Ruby added to this joke, " _Figures, seeing how our box office will be on par with Bruno._ ", the four giggling again, as the red-black-haired huntress goes on when the scene shows Reed asking who it is at the lab, and Sue answers Victor, even though the shot doesn't clearly show him, and she acted as Reed, "' _And why did I notice him, when literally nothing makes him stand out at all?'_ Anyway, but seriously, even the shot isn't composed so that you'll focus on him! I'm more likely to think THIS guy is Victor!", Ruby assuming the guy on the right side of the shot, "This is our villain, folks! Even the movie forgets he's SUPPOSED to be important!"

"They do see images though, from the parallel dimension that they're trying to get to.", Yang then said for her sister, and responds to Reed's monotone reaction in the movie that the dimension was beautiful, " _'You can tell by the investment in my voice.'_ Also, they hope this new world can save our current one, as we're assuming Remnant, and especially Earth too, is being drained of it's color by FBI's Most Wanted Terrorists."

When hearing a Doctor Doom sarcasm joke by Sue in the same scene, Blake proves, "See? We don't even know how to take that. Was she making a joke, or just calling him by his name? Not to reference the gay film Call Me By Your Name at that last sentence, but still. It's like calling your bad guy Dr. Youreamonster, there'd just be some confusion down the road!"

"But it turns out Storm has another son named Johnny, played by Michael B. Jordan, who's a reckless troublemaker...in this scene. He is literally never reckless or causes trouble throughout the rest of the film.", criticized Weiss in a scene where Johnny was driving recklessly in a race, which ends up with him getting injured.

Ruby plotted, "So Johnny joins a world-changing experiment to get his car back...because, you know, LIFE...and is reintroduced to the team.", as an Adolf joke was heard in the film, with her saying, "You don't need to make fun of his name, it does it quite naturally on it's own. Glad it doesn't mention about you-know-who from Germany.", shuddering again to the thought.

"They have their little Making Stuff montage complete with 'doo-doo-DOO-doo' music, and it appears they've made a lot of progress.", stated Yang, a scene with Johnny and Sue with the latter saying it's fun having him here, "...Uhhh, did we miss that part? Not kidding, there has never been ONE moment of ANY of these characters smiling, except for ONE shot in the montage where they're eating, and NOT saying a word to each other! Is the movie's idea of building chemistry literally building chemistry?"

Blake also said after a snippet with Johnny telling Sue that he's only working to get his car back, "Sue would say, _'You don't understand. We had Chinese food! And doo-doo-doo music!'_ ", also with another part where Sue wakes Reed up, "Ladies and gentlemen, that was our first action scene.", and summarized, "The time has come to test the portal on an unrendered model from Space Chimps, they would've used a real monkey, but apparently sitting in a chair was too dangerous, and it seems to be successful. But it turns out they DON'T want to use the inventors for the first human teleports. Doesn't that kinda go without saying?", the scene shown this part, also mentioning NASA.

"The...shuttle to the moon wasn't invented by Neil Armstrong, although he was the first man on the moon, and his iconic quote 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind', but they even make a reference to that later.", Weiss corrected, with Victor from the movie mentioning the Apollo spacecraft and Neil Armstrong, "Exactly! So...why did you think you were going?"

Ruby answers to an argument scene with Reed, Johnny and Victor, "Ahh, yes. Let's screw up a history-making experiment for your egos. I'm sure this will in no way- you know what, hold on a second. **TURN ON A LIIIIIIGHT!** ", the sudden outburst startling Yang and causing Blake to hold Weiss in her arms, as Ruby apologizes, "Sorry girls, I just had to get it out just once.", continuing after she clears her throat, "...I'm sure this will in no way muck everything up. But in order to destroy everything they worked for, our three scientists need one more to go with them.", shrugging, "Well, we're sure you're all thinking of the same brilliant mind who had such a big impact...Ben. Disappointed that it's not Sue, but it's...Ben."

"Yeah...because, you know, why the hell not? He has no scientific mind, done literally nothing, and outed himself as so useless that he just LEFT Reed before they even started building it! So...of course! Of course it should be here!", Yang sured as a scene from the movie has Reed calling Ben, "Oh yeah, Broomhandle-Arms is really gonna be trouble for any danger out there! Surely he must be drunk. Even MORE reason to do it! Why didn't the moon landing go a different way?"

Blake said, "Yeah, I can imagine if a drunken NASA astronaut would say, _'Houston, I'm so plastered, and I know one chick scientist worked REALLY hard on this and everything, but...my buddy owned a junkyard, couldn't protect me to save either of our lives, and...bros before hos. Scientifically, this has to be done. Hey, look! An asteroid! Let's go give it a kiss.'_ You know, guys?"

"Yes. We know.", replied Weiss, resuming once again, "So they travel to this new dimension to discover it's just as dark and bland as our world.", and mocked after a snippet of this part with Reed saying they did it, " _'Don't you dare take off your Sub-Zero mask, if we come across Reptile in this Outworld, we wanna be evenly matched!'_ , Reed would say that to Victor obviously.

Ruby and Yang noticed, "But here's something we'd think you'd never thought that they would come across in this movie. Something. Yeah! Goddamn something! I bet you thought they would NEVER get to that in this film!", just before the part where danger happens with the green liquid they found in the dimension and was starting to erupt.

"My God, Mountain Dew is working on another new flavor!", worried Blake and Weiss for this part, joking, "DON'T LET IT TOUCH YOU! OR MOST OF ALL, DRINK IT!"

Ruby stated, "Victor gets left behind, Ben gets covered in Cadbury Eggs, and Sue...despite not being there, SOMEHOW gets affected as well! Well, sorry babe, it's one small step for man! You just get their gamma farts. At least they should've have had one giant leap for mankind though. Life is fair."

Yang says, "It turns out Reed can now stretch incredibly far. We dare even say we call him...Mr. Fantastic?", chuckling, "No, no, no, just kidding. That'd be just like the comic book.", the next snippet with The Human Torch's powers for the first time.

"Boy, the origin story of the Flame Princess from Adventure Time is a lot more intense than we thought it would be.", Blake and Weiss both react, "Sue of course gets invisible powers, and Ben looks like an uneaten Rockbiter Cheeto."

When the scene shows Reed escaping and seeing Ben in his The Thing form, and Reed promises to come back for him, Ruby called out, " _'And by 'come back', I mean a'bandon you, not help you in any way, and never return...!''_ ", her friends laughing for a few moments while Ruby smiles when looking at her friends at the time, commenting, "Their's is a complicated love. Now if you excuse me, bathroom break.", leaving to go to the dorm's bathroom, while Yang, Blake and Weiss continue laughing for a few more moments.

 **To be continued...**


	16. Fant4stic (Pt 2)

**A/N: One part of this review is written and improvised by myself.**

 **RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic (Part 2 - Final)**

Ruby had come back from her bathroom break and Yang, Blake and Weiss had finished laughing.

The former then started off the second part of the review, "Hey, look, a dark room. We haven't seen that yet.", sarcastically in the following scene, where The Thing was in the shadows asking where Reed is, and the scientist Harvey Allen tells him he's gone, as Ruby confessed, "Okay, so this is particularly interesting. We JUST got done with a scene showing pretty much what Ben looks like, a cookie turd shit out of the rock monster from Galaxy Quest, yet for some reason, they keep his identity a secret here! Even though, we CLEARLY already know what he looks like! The rooms being dark have already been pretty pointless, but this movie found a BLACK HOLE of pointless! Like there's already no point, and yet somehow, it creates even LESS of a point!", asking her friends, "Is it too late to call them the _All-Around Uninteresting Dark Blur Four_ instead?"

"Pretty much.", Yang answered her sister while Blake and Weiss nodded with 'mm-hmm', supporting this point, "To make things even stranger, we're almost at the one hour mark, and only NOW have they changed into their hero forms! Most of them just woke up, and suddenly, it's one year later, Ben is fighting for the army, Johnny has just figured out how to shoot fireballs, Sue can turn herself and other things invisible while also creating forcefields, AND they want to harness this power so they can go back to the parallel dimension to get even MORE powers!"

Blake glared, "Now, you think we're paraphrasing there. What'd that take? Maybe a minute for us to say? It takes the movie the EXACT AMOUNT OF TIME to get ALL that information at you! Yeah, most of the superhero stuff is done in ONE goddamn minute! A-a-and it's not even in the forefront! See Ben doing all this cool action stuff? Well, it's not nearly as exciting as watching it in the distance with a bunch of lifeless douchebags sitting around!"

"We finally get some frigging action, and it's not even the focus! Wha- How would you like it if an action scene in The Dark Knight was from a distance being watched by somebody else?", Weiss argued, Ruby, Yang and Blake feeling shocked at the thought, "Those IMAX sequences would be a waste of time if that ever happened! But we're all glad it didn't, so the IMAX experience is totally worth it."

Ruby agreed, "Action from the distance is always bad in movies.", continuing, "But don't worry, if this is too much out of your comfort zone, fear not! We go right back into talking in dark rooms again!", before the four girls slowly clap with shocked and annoyed looks, the next scene with Johnny and Sue arguing, the latter stating she will not be a tool, "The movie strongly disagrees."

"But it looks like Reed has been missing for a year, too...yeah, it sure is hard to track a butt-naked scientist with no military training...however, he's eventually found by the army, who bring Ben in.", summarizes Yang, this scene with The Thing meeting Reed again, angered for his abandoning.

Blake played, " _'Hey, where's your Thing? Huh, I just thought up a good name for you- Whoop!'_ , that's what I think Ben would've said.", giggling a tiny bit the same scene with the Faunus hoping, "Okay, finally we're gonna get some action-", before it shows Ben knocking out Reed, "Well, that was short.", groaning and facepalming.

"Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Out of the...MAGNITUDE of VARIETY we've had in this film so far, let us take a guess! A WILD goddamn guess what's coming up next! Please don't let it be dark room talking.", Weiss said in a fed up manner about the movie, the plane scene with, once again, talking in dark rooms.

All four girls of team RWBY shout, "OOOOOOOH MYYYYY GOOOOOOD!", with Ruby exclaiming with her friends worried, "Wh-wh-why is this fantastic?! Why is this Fantast- Your GODDAMN MOVIE is Fantastic Four, and you can't even get...ONE FANTASTIC THING in it! **WHY IS TALKING IN A DARK ROOM FANTASTIC?!** Wha- Wh-wh- Did you have an upbringing like the boy from **Room?** Is this...LITERALLY all you know?-?-?"

"Yes, if Fantastic Four was like Room, it'd be like, _'Was the outside only explained to you in pictures and stories? If so, could you TELL one of those stories, because it's GODDAMN MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS HORSESHIT!'_ ", angered Yang as her eyes glowed red, the scene when the plane arrives at the base which made Yang scared, " _'AAAAAH! An outside scene! TAKE IT AWAAAAAAYYY!'"_ , causing Ruby, Blake and Weiss to laugh once again to Yang's hilarious Room/Middle Earth-like expression, the next dark room talking scene shown, " _'Ahh-ha-ha! That's better!'_ "

Blake laughed, "Yang, you're so funny! You sound like Lord of the Rings mixed with Room, definitely!", commenting in the scene with Reed and Sue meeting again with the former asking what if she didn't come to the science fair, "Reed should add, _'We could've been sitting in a dark room with table lamps. TABLE LAMPS!'_ I would strongly agree with this too.", the next snippet with Franklin and Johnny, the father telling his son that they're closer since they captured Reed, with Johnny asking, " _'The end credits, of course. We can finally star in real movies again!'_ , that's what I'm guessing for Franklin's answer."

"They return to planet Burnt Brownie, where they discover Doom is alive and well. Hey, trust me, as long as this movie's still going, Doom will ALWAYS be alive and well!", Weiss doubted when summarizing the movie.

The following scene shows Doom back to the base asking the scientists how he survived, it was that the parallel dimension he was in gave him strength.

Ruby and Yang said, "Okay, I know it's a comic-book adaptation, there has to be some changes, but...what is with Fox's obsession of turning Marvel characters into Slipknot CRASH TEST DUMMIES?! Is this the one design they think exists? It's getting a little old. Hell, it was never that interesting to begin with! This movie really is the master of throwing boring, uninteresting things at you in a movie that's called FANTASTIC!"

"Christ, what do you think their design for the climax is? That frigging Portal in the Sky cliche-", Blake and Weiss question before the movie shows said cliche.

The four girls look angered and shocked by this at the same time, to which Ruby stated, "We're done. We're doing no more-", before a knock on the door was heard.

"Ruby? Yang? Blake? Weiss? Are you there? We were wondering how your review is going, we just came back-", Pyrrha and Nora's voices were heard, as team RWBY laid against the door, preventing from their friends to come in.

Ruby dramatically said, "We can't recall...the taste of food...or...the sound of originality...we're...naked in the dark...", which caused team JNPR on the other side of the door to be confused.

"A dark room, just...talking and talking, doing nothing but talking...", Yang swooned in woe.

Blake and Weiss romantically acted, "That cliche...that portal...staring at us...we can see it! With our four bored eyes!"

"Then let us be rid of it, once and for all! Although we can't carry that cliche, but we can carry on!", Ruby dramatically acted.

Silence happens for a few moments, before Jaune and Ren ask, "Uh, what are you girls talking about?", on the other side of the door.

"Nothing. Just a bad scene from Fant4stic. It was a bit weird for us, honestly.", apologized Ruby and Yang.

Pyrrha and Nora on the other side look at each other, smiled and nodded, the latter saying, "Well, okay, it was a little bit, but not bad. Pretty sure you'll be Best Actresses, you know what we mean?"

"You know what, you girls can just finish the Fant4stic review, and then we will spend time.", Pyrrha sorted.

Blake and Weiss okayed, "Yeah, sounds great. We guess that's an option.", teams JNPR and RWBY respectively going back to the dorm and catching up with the review.

"So you might be wondering, _'where the hell did this destroy the world thing suddenly come from?'_ Especially from a guy with such a cuddly name like Doom! Well, we'll give this movie some credit. Instead of having a huge exposition dump in one minute like before, this movie gives us at least...twenty seconds more...", Ruby reviewed.

Yang nods, "Yep! In that short amount of time, he says that his life cycle is tied to that world, that he believes their world would destroy it, so he wants to destroy ours before they can get the jump on his world, and-"

"Whoooooooooo cares?", joked Blake, saying as Ruby, Yang and Weiss look at her, "Sorry. Got it from that obscure movie Screwed. Moving on.", summarizing, "During this, the scientists are killed, Doom makes Harvey's head explode that's similar to Scanners but in a hazmat suit, and Reed and Ben resolve their differences and they, Johnny and Sue unite."

"It looks like Professor Storm gets murdered...oh, that just looks weird without a Jim Carrey song number going on...and our hero- Sorry, it was only two syllables and we couldn't even say it. Our...these guys try to stop him from sucking the world into his dimensional bullshit.", Weiss swore.

Ruby synopsized, "But Victor is too powerful, and figures out ways to stop all of them.", as a scene shows Reed calling to Doom by the name Victor, and the antagonist answers there is no Victor, there is only Doom, and the red-black-haired huntress whispered, "Ghostbusters reference. I'm not wasting it by the way. Ditto."

"But the Fantastic Bore eventually get the drop on him.", Yang said, the battle scene with The Thing saying his iconic catchphrase It's Clobbering Time, before punching Doom, "Yeah, in the context of the movie, that line really should be, _'What my brother said before he beat me up still lacking relevaaaance!'_ ", laughing with her friends to this line joke.

The next snippets show Doom's death when the portal collapsed, and the Fantastic Four successfully making it through the portal back to their world.

Blake and Weiss both said, "Yaaay, we did...whatever we did!", the next part with the Fantastic Four's meeting with the government, "Okay, we are actually so disinterested in what's going on, we are actually more curious in who took many rolls from that plate. Okay, only Johnny seemed to take one, he apparently didn't finish it. The others had coffee, but nobody drank their water. Dude, that guy was on fire, I think he would at least have some water! These are the biggest concerns we're coming out of this movie with!"

"So they're given their own location to continue to test out their powers, because Lord knows we haven't seen enough of that in these movies, as they seem to interact off each other.", Ruby and Yang climaxes, the following snippet with the team coming up with a name, "Jesus, we're beginning to see why you didn't give them personalities! Their relationships to the ROLLS was more interesting!", the final part of the movie with Reed coming up with their team name with help from The Thing.

Blake and Weiss respond as the movie title is shown, "Up, up, up! We didn't have to say it out loud, but you still have to take a movie with a guy named Von Doom seriously! Piss off!"

"And that was Fant-Snore-Stic. It's bad. REALLY bad. The other Fantastic Four movies, which we haven't reviewed yet, fail too, but at least they fail in an over-the-top way, and at least try to embrace the look and corniness of the comic. It's like it's ashamed to have anything to do with Fantastic Four OR comic books in general. In fact, when you add them all together, the Hammer film is STILL the only one where they choose to fight crime, AND they're not the ones who caused all the destruction they're fighting against! How does that hap- How'd that happen in TWO reboots you're trying to make better?! All we can say is there's a right way and a wrong way to do dark, gritty comic book material. And this, is DEFINITELY the wrong way.", Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss all reviewed the overall of Fantastic Four, "We're team RWBY, and...we're just done.", getting up from their commentary chairs, and walking to the door.

They leave the dorm room to go to the dorm where their fellow team JNPR is.

Pyrrha and Nora were on bed together while Jaune and Ren were reading books, the four noticing team RWBY coming in, as the former two ask, "Hi girls! How did the Fant4stic review go-"

"We're done with this movie. That movie took a lot out of us.", sarcastically said the four girls, "But we're still gonna review other movies though."

Jaune and Ren reply, "Okay. So what do you guys want to do?"

"Wanna go out for dinner, guys?", Ruby and Yang request, "We're starving."

Nora excites, "It's about time you guys asked!"

"Great idea! Let's go.", agreed Pyrrha.

Ruby and Yang giggle with Blake and Weiss, as both teams RWBY and JNPR leave to go out for dinner together.

 **End of RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic**

 **Up Next: RWBY's Commentary of Maximum Overdrive**


End file.
